Technically, I Love you, Maybe
by luukagu
Summary: BUSINESS AU. As marketing director of Iwatobi Swimming Equipment, 24 year old Haru is in a comfortable relationship with his childhood friend, Makoto. But when Iwatobi partners with Samezuka, Haru finds himself falling in love with his new business partner, unable to choose between the two men who dominate his life. (mostly Rin/Haru, slight Haru/Mako) Slash
1. We're Good to go

**Luuka:** I've created a new genre: I'm going to call it 'Haru-harem.' That's basically what this is and I think I make Haru look like a jerk due to that, but it's really hard to empathise with a character who can't make up their mind. In Haru's defence, I think Makoto and Rin are pretty hard candidates to choose from. Yep.

I'm not using honourifics for the names because this fiction isn't based in Japan. I envisioned it taking place in America but it could really be anywhere as long as it's a city. Location isn't important.

Warnings apply to individual chapters and the overall rating is subject to change. Thoughts/reviews are helpful!

* * *

The corporate party was elaborate but overall tedious. Haru generally hated social events-there was a lot of pretentiousness involved, he thought. All of the sincere fumbling and pointless introductions-it took up a lot of energy and rarely produced anything worthwhile. Haru rolled his eyes and shook the ice cubes in his glass.

_The ice takes up so much of the glass... it they didn't put it in, I could have more alcohol. But it's not like I can drink a lot, anyway: this is a big pitch for the marketing division._

A young, blond man rushed towards Haru.

'Haru!' Nagisa breathed out. 'Thank goodness I was able to find you! Would you come with me for a second? There's someone who I want you to meet.'

Haru followed Nagisa through the crowds, observing the various clusters of people. If he squinted, they all seemed to melt together...

_So many people-how many of them actually want to be here? 'None' wouldn't be a low ball, I'm guessing. All of these smiles: they all look so fake._

'How are you finding the party? Boring, huh?'

'Boring' is an understatement.'

'Well, try and look half entertained, 'kay? This ceremony-it's a pretty big deal.'

'Yeah, yeah.' Haru rolled his eyes again. 'Why are you running around, anyway? Don't you work in customer affairs?'

'I'm standing in as the emcee tonight.' Nagisa gave an earnest smile. 'I have to act as a bufferer between both of the rival companies. This ceremony is a like a gesture of harmony-Iwatobi Swimming Supplies wants to form a partnership with Samezuka Pool Equipment-apparently, they have some really solid shares.'

'Solid, huh?' Haru raised an eyebrow-he guessed he'd confirm that later. At any rate, it didn't look like he could spend the night with Nagisa: Haru supposed the rest of the party would be with his mysterious guest... either that, or on his own by the bar.

Haruka Nanase-age 24-was the current manager of the sales and marketing division of Iwatobi Swimming Supplies. Although he wasn't very good at the technical side of things, a lot of people said that his creative flair had brought new prosperity into advertising-the recent increase in equipment sales seemed to support this theory. Haru guessed he was also impressive-a lot of the people who worked beneath him were twice his age and nowhere near promotion... athough Haru didn't feel like he was particularly talented; he'd always thought of himself as just another ordinary person.

'Samezuka's marketing director is really something,' Nagisa commented. 'I hear he's around our age-crazily intelligent and a really hard worker, but not much experience behind him. The two of you have a lot in common and that's why you should get along, okay? Iwatobi would benefit from a contract with Samezuka, so it would be bad if you both butted heads.'

'Sure, whatever.' Haru replied-he could fake a positive relationship for the company's sake. Nagisa tapped a man on the shoulder and gave a polite bow.

'Excuse me-my name is Nagisa Hazuki of Iwatobi's customer department. Mr. Matsuoka, this is Haruka Nanase-he's Iwatobi's head of marketing and sales.'

'It's a pleasure to meet you,' Haru bowed. 'I look forward to working with you in the fu...'

When Haru caught sight of the other man, he felt his words slow to a halt. Samezuka's head of marketing and sales was surprisingly attractive-his narrow eyes gave a foreboding impression, yet handsome features drew Haru in. His red hair was neat yet the occasional strand gave him a careless, dishevelled appearance. His suit was also surprisingly fitted: the material didn't leave much to the imagination, especially around the waist and thighs.

'Future,' Haru finished, and his throat seemed to tighten around the world. He held out his hand, and the other man shook it.

'Rin Matsuoka-you can call me by my first name. So you're Iwatobi's marketing director, huh? Gotta admit, I didn't expect much.'

Haru wanted to reply, but didn't know how or what to say. Nagisa gave an encouraging smile before hurrying away to attend to some other guests. Haru stepped up beside Rin and they both leaned back against a wall. For the first time in his life, Haru realised he felt nervous-he was so helplessly attracted to the other man, so captivated without knowing why, so desperate to draw closer to him. Inside of his stomach, he felt a small pang of guilt.

_I shouldn't do this-Makoto would be upset. I'm betraying his trust by simply having these thoughts, but I can't help it-I feel so instantly connected to this other person. I'm sorry, Makoto: my legs just won't move away._

'Bet you'd rather be somewhere else, huh?' Rin downed the rest of his drink and laughed. 'Why do they have to drag it out like this? If they're going to make an agreement, they should decide it in the boardroom-that's the standard procedure for this shit.'

Haru shook his head.

'Board meetings don't have drink.'

'That's true.' Rin slumped. 'But at least they're cut and dry. All of this constant standing around-I don't care very much for my situation.'

'You think you have it hard-Samezuka staff got the day off to travel here and attend this... oh.' That was when Haru remembered. He reached into his pocket and dangled a set of keys in front of Rin.

'Want to have some fun together?'

'Heh.' Rin laughed. 'Please tell me those aren't the keys to your car-that really isn't happening.'

'Not my car.' Haru rolled his eyes. 'How much class do you think I have? They're the ones to the boardroom upstairs. Work hours are over: it's going to be empty.'

'And what's gonna happen once we get in the boardroom?'

Haru held Rin's hand and gently let it go. He reached up and played with Rin's tie, smoothing his fingers along a crease in Rin's suit.

'You, me and an empty boardroom... Matsuoka, we work with statistics: please don't tell me you need your planning team in order to figure it out.'


	2. A Badly Drawn Love Triangle

When Haru awoke the next morning he had a headache. Sunlight reached through the curtains of his apartment down onto the bed-Haru rolled over and bumped noses with Makoto.

'Haruuu.' Makoto yawned. 'What time did you get back last night? I didn't hear you come in...'

'Y-yeah, sorry: the party went on really late.'

Haru tried to sit in the bed but Makoto pulled him back. He wrapped his arms around Haru's waist and nuzzled into his hair.

'Mmm, Haruu... you smell like alcohol and strawberry shampoo. Good thing izz... good thing izz Saturday...'

Makoto's hands trailed down Haru's thighs and played with the zipper on his pants. He leaned in and kissed Haru's neck.

'Haru,' he laughed. 'You wore your clothes were bed. Baby, were you tired?'

'Mmn, really tired. Makoto, I need... I need to use the toilet...'

Haru's heart thumped in his chest as he walked to the bathroom. He set himself on the side of the tub and put his head in his hands; the realisation of what had happened the night before splashed over him like cold water, weighing down on his shoulders like a ton of bricks. Haru's head stung from the alcohol and the weight on his conscience felt like a physical presence; his hips were also a little sore, as if to remind him of the reality of the party.

_I did it with someone who isn't Makoto. I love him-I love him so much-but I cheated on him with someone else. I feel bad and I feel guilty, but the worst part is, I don't think I regret it._

Haru decided to weigh his options:

_I should be honest and tell Makoto what happened. If I explain to him slowly that it was a drunken mistake, I'm sure he will understand... no: it would break his heart. And I'd still be lying: I wasn't drunk when I took Rin upstairs-I knew exactly what I was doing. _

Keeping it a secret seemed to be the better option.

_I should just forget about it-I should pretend it never happened. I can explain to Rin when I see him at work that having sex with him was a mistake. I'm sure he'll understand-I bet he sleeps with random people all the time. And we only did it once-its not like we're having an affair. _

That was what Haru told himself at the time, anyway.

* * *

Haru explained Iwatobi's recent partnership with Samezuka to Makoto over the breakfast table.

'Sorry,' Haru finished. 'But that probably means I'll be spending longer at the office-the partnership comes with a lot of overtime.'

'No, I'm glad,' Makoto smiled. 'I'm glad you're climbing up the career ladder. To be honest, I can't say that I didn't see it coming: you've been working so hard lately, Haru. Sooner or later someone had to show an interest.'

_Oh, Makoto... If only you knew how 'interested' they were... you wouldn't be looking at me with such gentle eyes._

'Does this mean we can celebrate? Can I take you out to diner?'

Haru smiled.

'I think that sounds adequate.'

'Adequate' wouldn't have been word I would have chosen.' Makoto held Haru's hand across the table. 'More like 'overdue-' Haru, we haven't gone out together properly since you first got promoted.'

Makoto squeezed Haru's hand, and for a moment his eyes seemed to flicker in pain.

'Haru... we don't see very much of each other and sometimes I feel like that creates a distance between us. But no matter how far apart we may get, I'll always love you. I cherish you more than anything else... you know that, don't you?'

'I know.' Haru nodded. 'Makoto... I know.'


	3. Constructing a Time Bomb

**Luuka:** Chapter 3, yosh! Thank you for all the reviews so far!

**Warnings:** sexual content

* * *

Haru didn't know if going out to dinner with Makoto was the right thing to do, but he allowed himself to go, anyway. Whilst they sat in the car during a traffic jam, Makoto asked Haru various questions about his evening. Simple things such as: 'how was the party?' 'How's Nagisa doing?' and 'Do you need me to iron your suit for Monday?'

The questions were general, but Haru still felt on edge; he was half-expecting Makoto to ask: 'baby, did you let anyone fuck you last night while I was at home making dinner and waiting for you?' Makoto didn't-of course-but still Haru felt uncomfortable: even in the restaurant he couldn't prevent his mind from wandering.

'Haru.' Makoto nudged him gently. 'Are you done spacing out? Your phone is ringing.'

'Y-yeah, sorry: I'll get it right away.'

The screen displayed an unknown number-Haru pressed the answer button and held the speaker to his ear.

'Nanase, whats up? Do you ache from last night?'

Haru breathed in sharply and hung up the phone.

'Haru? Is everything okay?'

'Yeah, it's fine, everything's fine! Someone from work just called is all.'

'If it's on a weekend it must be pretty urgent. Is it really okay just to hang up like that?'

'No, it's fine.' Haru shook his head. 'I'm going to eat dinner with you today, Makoto-nothing else is going to interfere with that.'

Whilst Makoto bought drinks, Haru knotted his fingers-

_Rin-that was Rin! How the hell did he get my number? Why does he have to call me now-I'm on a date with Makoto! And why am I so tempted to call him back-and why is my heart thumping just from hearing his voice? I can't let this get any more out of hand... _

'Haru, are you sure everything's alright? You look flushed all of a sudden.'

'I'm fine-just bothered. My phone keeps vibrating...'

'Go ahead and take the call outside. Just don't make it long-I can't order without you.'

'Y-yeah: excuse me a second.'

_I'll tell Rin straight just to leave me alone. _Haru thought to himself, as he left the restaurant._ I'll tell him the truth-that I'm with someone. When Rin realises that I already have a boyfriend, he'll leave me alone-he'll find someone else to play with._

Haru stood underneath a pavilion and answered the phone.

'Don't call me.' He breathed into the receiver. 'Stop trying to get through-I don't want to talk.'

'Don't be like that.' Rin's voice was playful. 'Haru, was I mean? Was I too rough for you? Aww...'

'Give me a break-you barley even made me sweat. It's not that you were too much for me-I just want to keep our relationship professional. You can get fired for screwing around and it's gonna interfere with the office: the only time I intend to see you is for work.'

'If last night was your idea of work, I'd _love_ to see your concept of play.'

Haru knew that he should have hung up, turned around and walked back into the restaurant, but Rin's words seemed to tempt him to go further, enticing Haru to keep talking,_ challenging_ him to raise the bar.

All Haru needed to say was: 'I'm already with someone.' Haru was sure that-if he said those words-Rin would back down after that; he was sure Rin would lose interest. But Haru couldn't: he couldn't say the words. Because he didn't _want _Rin to lose interest-

'Where are you?'

'Six minutes from Iwatobi Headquarters at the first roundabout there's a hotel-my room is number 102. Make it over in twenty minutes, and I'll let you top this time.'

'Rin, I'm not comi-'

And the phone went dead. Haru cursed and ran his fingers through his hair.

_So close... I got so close: I was just about to turn him down. Why did that idiot have to go and hang up? He doesn't seriously think I'm coming to meet him, does he? _

He imputed the number and tried calling Rin back.

'The number you have dialled is currently unavailable...'

_Great-Rin turned off his phone: it's not like I care. I just have to forget about him and go back to dinner-I just have to act like that conversation never happened. Easy._

Except it wasn't easy, Haru realised, as he shoved his phone back into his pocket. Because he couldn't stop thinking about Rin-because a small voice in his head kept saying: 'just do it once more. Just go and see him-Makoto doesn't have to know.'

And the voice was getting louder-it was steadily working its way into Haru's concious stream of thought.

* * *

'M-Makoto,' Haru stammered, as he made his way back over to their table. 'I'm-I'm really sorry. That call was someone important from work: they need me to come over right away-it's seriously urgent.'

'It's alright, Haru-don't look so worried!' Makoto stood and hugged Haru-he'd never seemed embarrassed about holding him in public places whenever he thought Haru needed it. 'Hey... you don't need to get upset. You've started to shake.' He kissed Haru's forehead. 'It doesn't matter-it's seriously fine! We can do this again some other day.'

Makoto walked Haru to the pavement. A light rain had started to fall and above Haru, the sky rumbled.

'Do you need the car?' Makoto passed him the keys.

'Y-Yeah: I'll drop you home on the way.'

'No,' Makoto's face was firm. 'You should go straight to your work. I know how important your job is to you-if you go home first, you'll make yourself late. I can walk from here-it's not that far.'

'Makoto, are you an idiot? It's raining, you'll get soaking wet-'

'Haru,' Makoto smiled softly. 'Being a little wet won't kill me. It's not more than a mile-I'll be okay.' He held both of Haru's hands. 'Please go to your work-don't let me interfere. Just promise we'll go out together some other time, okay?'

Haru felt the warmth of Makoto's hands. He felt the drops of rain sliding down his cheeks, and he felt guilt: guilt because he'd lied to the person who loved him, because Makoto believed in him and trusted him completely. He felt guilt because he wasn't worthy of that trust, and yet...

'I love you,' Haru kissed Makoto on the lips. 'Makoto, I-I really do. Honestly: I love you so much.'

And Haru did love Makoto.

* * *

So, why was he standing outside of Rin's hotel room?

'Twenty three minutes,' was Rin's greeting when he opened the door. Haru smiled and stepped inside.

'You think I'll risk a speeding ticket just to get inside of you? Doesn't someone think they're special...'

He grabbed Rin by the collar and pushed him back against the door.

'I don't even know why I'm here in the first place...'

Rin flipped himself around and kissed Haru fiercely. Haru's fingers tangled in Rin's hair as his tongue slid around in the warmth of his mouth. He could taste Rin-Rin's own individual taste-as he sucked on his bottom lip... Rin felt increasingly warm and firm, and Haru realised it felt good to press up against him.

'You're here because I am,' Rin whispered in his ear. 'Whenever I tell you to come and see me, you'll answer...' He nipped at Haru's ear, then his lips-

'You'll come to me whenever I tell you to, Haru.'

Haru moaned into Rin's mouth as the fingers in Rin's hair turned into fists. Suddenly, the world outside didn't exist-all Haru knew was that Rin felt warm, that he wanted to kiss Rin's lips from every angle, to feel every inch of his body against his own-

'Feels good...' Haru murmured, fighting to speak the words through kisses. 'Feels so... so good, Rin... I love kissing you so much...'

Rin laughed into Haru's ear as he ground against his body.

'Well, that goes without saying...'

Rin took Haru by the hand and lead him into the bedroom; he then stripped off his shirt and pulled Haru's over his head, tossing it down to the floor. Using one hand he pushed Haru onto the bed, climbed on top of him and pinned his arms above his head. Haru's pulse fluttered in excitement as Rin's hands unbuckled the clasp on his belt and a few of Rin's fingers found their way underneath his jeans.

And then Rin touched _that _part of him, well... when that happened, Haru completely lost control.

* * *

'How did you get my number?' Haru asked later, as Rin ran his fingers through his hair. The two of them had curled up naked on Rin's hotel bed, kissing-Haru allowed his own fingers to play with Rin's nipples, alternatively rubbing and pinching them as they continued to embrace.

_Rin is smaller than Makoto but his muscles are stronger and much firmer. It feels good to smooth my hands along them- its so erotic just to touch his body._

'Website,' Rin bit Haru on the nose. 'The Iwatobi company one. Anyone can contact you-your numbers on the homepage. And I had this hotel room booked for the corporate party, anyway: I thought someone else should experience this bed.'

'Oh.' Haru nuzzled against Rin's shoulder-he loved running his chin up and down all the little crevices in-between his muscles and bones. 'If you say so. Still sounds like stalker behaviour to me.'

'Sorry,' Rin stretched. 'But I'm not that into you. Although...' he ran a finger over Haru's lips. 'I haven't been able to get this excited over anyone else in a long time...'

'Well,' Haru whispered. 'That goes without saying...'

Haru closed his eyes and breathed in-he could smell Rin on the bedsheets, and the scent was exciting. He laughed as Rin rolled on top of him and licked his neck, tightening his arms around the other man's back as he reached up and tugged him closer to his body. Their sighs and moans that came afterwards drowned out the sound of falling rain outside.

Somewhere-a few miles away-Makoto listened to the same rain as it fell, cuddled against one of Haru's nightshirts.


	4. Tick Tick, Kiss Kiss

**Luuka:** So... the story went up to an M... (in Rin's voice) that sure didn't take long.

Thank-you for all the reviews! They're all so perfect, encouraging and sweet; I'm really grateful to receive such enthusiastic and supportive feedback!

**Warnings:** graphic sexual content

* * *

Haru didn't see Rin for the rest of the month, and neither did he call. The days passed in a haze of caffeine and statistical reports, and Haru spent them lamenting on his two nights with Rin.

Most nights Haru didn't get home until between 9 and 11; Makoto was always up waiting when he got back. Haru had apologised to Makoto for leaving him at dinner, claiming a co-worker had needed help with a powerpoint and that Haru had fallen asleep in his office. He saw no reason to mention Rin: as far as Haru was concerned, it would only divide them.

'It's a shame,' Makoto sighed, as he watched television with Haru on the sofa one night. 'That I wasn't able to get into marketing like you. It's not my ideal profession, but still... It would be nice to see you at work. I feel like we're not together enough at home.'

Makoto worked as a freelance journalist on various magazines. He did have an office in one of the buildings around town, but due to the lenient nature of his work he generally did most at home on his laptop-a part of Haru suspected that this was so he could have dinner prepared by the time Haru arrived back. And he appreciated that: Makoto did a lot for him.

'It's fine... we're fine as we are.' Haru rested his head against Makoto's shoulder as Makoto smoothed his bangs over his forehead. 'I like it like this,' Haru confessed. 'It's nice: we're nice together. I wouldn't want to change anything.'

Makoto pursed his lips.

'I didn't mean to invade your private space. It's just that I worry about you: you seem distracted at the moment.'

'Yeah.' Haru sighed. 'Work has been really demanding.'

And that wasn't a lie, he thought to himself. But it wasn't exactly the truth, either.

The night of the corporate party was still playing on Haru's mind.

* * *

Rin's hand felt warm as Haru held it and the two of them made their way along a corridor. As Haru fumbled with the key to a door, Rin buried his nose in his neck. He snaked his hands around Haru's hips, fingers working to unfasten the buttons on his waistcoat.

'You're terrible.' Haru half-laughed, half-complained at Rin's touches. 'Couldn't you at least wait until we get inside? There might be cleaners on this floor...'

'So? We'll give 'em a show.'

After opening the door, Haru dragged Rin inside. The boardroom was dim-mostly dipped in shadows-but the occasional slither of light made it's way in through the windows and illuminated patches of carpet and wall.

'We can't turn on the light-we'll attract attention.'

'Have you locked the door?'

'Yes...' Haru breathed-Rin was on him already. Both of his arms were around Haru's waist, and as he pushed him back against a wall Haru heard himself swallow. Rin was only a few centimetres taller, yet at the same time he seemed to loom-

'Is this your first time with another man?'

_His voice is rough, but smooth at the same time... Rin._ Haru shivered. _You're a walking contradiction._

'N-no: I've done it a lot before. In fact, you were the one who I-'

Haru didn't manage to finish-in the time he'd spent struggling for words, the distance between his lips and Rin's had become non-existent. Rin was on top of Haru-kissing him hard-grinding their bodies tightly together. It was hot and fierce, tender and yet rough: Haru felt so many things as he leaned into Rin's lips. He stripped off his waistcoat and guided Rin's hands to his shirt: Rin managed to undo all of the buttons, but Haru never reached the point of sliding it over his shoulders.

Both men were determined to kiss each other more; the kisses started clumsily but gradually became rougher until they were both desperate and forceful; Rin took Haru in his arms and laid him down on the meeting table. He kicked away a chair and climbed on top of Haru.

After kissing Haru more, Rin moved toward his nipples: he licked and bit at the tender pink skin, drawing circles around the bumps with his warm tongue. Haru felt a lump rise in his throat, and then one in his pants. Rin must have noticed it, too, because he laughed and squeezed the bulge.

'Am I turning you on?'

'I don't-I don't know...'

Rin stripped away Haru's bottom layers of clothes and pinned his arms above his head. Haru shivered as the cold table touched his bare skin, but immediately warmed as Rin pressed up against him. Then, he felt Rin start to move.

As Rin ground against him, Haru felt as if he were burning-he was quivering and shaking, cold but somehow also on fire. It _itched_ as Rin's pants rubbed between his bare thighs, roughly against the sensitive skin, so fiercely it left Haru with barley enough time to catch his breath. He could feel Rin's erection press against his stomach through his pants-could feel the heat of Rin's body as he straddled Haru's legs-and the strain on his hips as they ached to move back. The friction and the heat both drove Haru crazy, and-just when he thought he couldn't take any more-the movements suddenly stopped.

Haru's heart thumped in his ears. He heard Rin breathing heavily above him, and felt his hands on his hips as he flipped him around. For a few moments they remained in this position, with Rin's head against Haru's neck and his damp hair against his shoulders.

Haru listened to the sound of Rin's breathing and took a few deep breaths of his own. He wasn't sure what he should do because everything was happening so damn _quickly_-it was so difficult for him to process it all. Rin slipped his hands underneath Haru's arms and begun to undo his tie. He alternated his kisses between Haru's cheeks and hair before positioning the other man's waist between his legs. Rin laughed softly as he placed the tie over Haru's mouth.

'Fetishist?' Haru asked, and when he spoke he realised just how hoarse his voice had become. Rin laughed shakily.

'Not at all-this is functional. You're going to start making a lot of noise in a minute-you might even ask me to stop.' He pinched one of Haru's ass cheeks hard. 'And we can't have that happening, can we?'

'You talk too much.' Haru tried to flatten out his voice. 'Are you going to fuck me or monologue it?'

One of the hands massaging Haru's ass drew back suddenly and slapped him hard. Haru cried out at the shock, but felt his body grow hot-hotter-with the sharp contact. Rin grinned smugly.

'See? So noisy...'

Haru allowed Rin to fasten his tie around his lips, then allowed himself to be pushed down onto the table so his chest pressed against the cold, hard surface. Rin stretched Haru's legs and then sucked on a finger, tracing a path along Haru's entrance to his balls. Haru heard Rin unzip his jeans, then a crinkling noise as he slipped on a condom.

'Mhnomwimiph.' _Get on with it._ Haru guessed his tie really did muffle the noise... being pushed down with something around his mouth was exciting, somehow. Rin dipped a finger inside of Haru, then pushed it all the way in with one sharp movement. Haru gasped at the sudden intrusion and bit into the fabric of his tie-he wanted to grip the table, but the smooth, marble surface didn't provide him with anything to hold on to. Experimentally, Rin curled the finger, and then accompanied it with a second.

As Rin's fingers brushed against his sweet spot, Haru moaned and pressed back against them. They felt sharp and tight but were surprisingly experienced: they knew how to rub Haru in ways that sent waves of pleasure rippling through his body. A third finger entered, and then they all left... allowing something much bigger to take their place.

Rin pressed himself inside of Haru gradually, but soon picked up a steady pace. Haru clenched his muscles around Rin and bit down on his lip as Rin begun to quicken his thrusts, pounding Haru against the surface of the table-

_He's not holding back at all. It's Rin's first time with me, yet he gives it his all... He's so strong and moves so quickly-it hurts but feels so good, too. Feels so amazing... I need Rin to go faster-_

Haru tried stretching his legs to allow Rin to hit him deeper. He needed Rin to hit that part of him harder because Haru had to out-race the pain; the faster Rin moved, the more it hurt... but the better it felt for Haru if they did it right. And-right now-they were doing it right: the way Rin moved made Haru feel _incredible._

He wasn't sure which sighs were Rin's and which sighs were his own-he wasn't sure if the heat he felt was mostly due to how close they were, or how fast Rin was moving, or how excited he felt; he wasn't really sure of anything. All Haru knew was that he wanted to _keep going_-that felt good to move with Rin, that it felt good for Rin's hands to rub him in that way...

Haru was the one who reached an orgasm first. The pleasure was so intense that it numbed all of his other senses and-exhausted-Haru slumped down against the table, panting heavily as his body quivered from his release.

It didn't even matter that the surface of the table was freezing cold: a lot of things didn't matter. Haru knew that Rin was still slamming into him above him, but it was just a faint feeling, like it was somehow happening millions of miles away, as well as in the same room. The comfortable haze created by the aftermath of his orgasm submerged Haru and he allowed himself to succumb: he felt very happy just lying there, catching up with his breathing and looking at the coloured dots and specks that danced around in front of his vision.

'Put your clothes back on.'

'What year is this?' Haru slid up into sitting position. Rin stood by the table buttoning up his pants. Weird-Haru hadn't felt him pull back. Oh, well: he was too exhausted to think about these things.

'Where are the toilets?' Rin asked.

'They're locked on this floor. You have to use the ones downstairs.'

'I need to throw the condom away; I can't carry it downstairs.'

'Put it in your pocket.'

'Disgusting.'

Haru rubbed his eyes.

'There's a bin by the door-just hide it underneath some used paper. Anyway, how do you think I feel? Look at my stomach: I'm all sticky.'

'Not my problem. You made the mess.'

'Well, true...' Haru fidgeted. 'But I don't have any tissue...'

Rin crouched down between Haru's thighs and gently began to lick his way down Haru's chest, gradually lapping up the white droplets. Haru had to admit that the action surprised him: whatever he'd expected Rin to do certainly hadn't been anything as intimate as _that_.

'You taste awful,' Rin complained as he pulled back. 'Buy me a drink at the bar to take away the taste.'

'Nope. Sorry, but I'm going home: I smell like sex and my hair is ruffled. I need to take a shower before Mako-' _Makoto._ Haru bit his lip-he'd completely forgotten.

'Then, some other time.' Rin tossed Haru his shirt over his shoulder and quirked his brow flirtatiously.

'You owe me a drink, Nanase.'

* * *

It wasn't as if Haru didn't feel guilty about sleeping with somebody else on two nights in a row; he did feel guilt, and it had started to show. Makoto had noticed it as well, but-trusting as ever-he'd placed Haru's change in mood down to the assumption that he was overworked and because of this, Makoto was increasingly gentler toward him: although he didn't know it, that fact made Haru feel all the worse.

A second month passed and Haru didn't see Rin again. Although the partnership had been confirmed, the actual conversation of Samezuka into Iwatobi had taken a while to be processed. There were mountains of paperwork and countless contracts to be signed: all of the departments were chaotic and there seemed no end to the workload in sight.

_These companies coming together-it's kinda like a wedding._

Somehow that thought gave Haru a horrible premonition.

* * *

'The partnership is definitely going through? That's great!' Nagisa laughed, during a work break with Haru. 'Oh, but get this-Rei from the planning committee said they're transferring some of the Samezuka staff into Iwatobi-Haru, that means Matsuoka might come here! He's got the same job as you, so you'll work with him every day-isn't that going to be great?'

* * *

'Haru?' Makoto pulled back in the bed. 'I'm going to put it in now-are you ready for me?'

'Mmn, go for it.' Haru squeezed his wrist. 'Um, Makoto, please... please be rougher with me. You don't have to hold back tonight-really, it's completely okay. I'm not delicate, you know: I really want you to go hard.'

Makoto looked at Haru for several moments before he climbed away and laid down beside him.

'You seem out of it,' he stroked Haru's cheek. 'Haru, talk to me-what's on your mind?'

'Nothing-why are you so concerned?'

'I'm going to be concerned if you're thinking about something other than me whilst we're making love. Haru, you haven't looked at me once-you're preoccupied. What is it?'

'Nothing.' Haru rolled over moodily. 'Just forget it- I'm not in the mood any more. Night.'

'Haruka...' Makoto breathed out, but decided not to press the subject further. He turned off the bedside lamp and settled into the covers a few centimetres from Haru.

'You can talk to me.' He said, minutes later, as the two of them lay side by side in the dark. 'I'm here for you, Haru-you don't have to bottle it up. Whatever it is you're worrying over, tell me so we can split the weight over both of our shoulders, and that way it won't seem so heavy on you. That's what couples are supposed to do, isn't it?'

Haru shut his eyes and pretended to be asleep. He didn't want to reply-didn't trust himself to reply-for the fear that he'd confess everything. It was so easy to talk to Makoto, and even easier to trust him... which was why Haru couldn't say a word. If he told Makoto about sleeping with Rin, Makoto would hate him... but if he didn't, they'd just drift apart.

If there had ever been evidence of cracks in their relationship, Haru thought this was it.


	5. Vicissitudes of you and I

Iwatobi INC. (TDMK) to Nanase, Haruka (me): Rin Matsuoka will be joining you as of Monday morning as head of marketing/sales.

Make sure to help prepare his office. You should also encourage and advise him on any current projects and planning duties. Cooperation will begin next month.

A tutorial would be helpful. Many thanks.

-Iwatobi Support Team

* * *

_Well, fuck._

Haru closed the lid of his netbook and rested his head on the top. Makoto set a cup of coffee beside Haru and begun rubbing circles into his shoulders.

'Stressed out?'

'Yeah-I'm supposed to prepare a tutorial for one of the new employees by tomorrow. This is bothersome.' Haru ran his fingers through his short hair.

'Well,' Makoto smiled sympathetically. 'That's what happens when you don't check your e-mails. But I'm sure you'll be able to throw something together; tutorials are a lot easier than actual work, right?'

'Mmn.' Haru agreed, absently.

_But it's not the tutorial I'm worried about. Rin Matsuoka: I don't want to see you again._

* * *

On Monday morning, Haru dragged his feet to work. After reaching his office he powered up his computer, sunk back into his desk chair and breathed a sigh of discomfort: he felt so unreasonably drowsy all of a sudden, as if he could happily curl up on his office floor and sleep.

_What am I getting so upset about? The last time I saw Rin was two months ago-admittedly back then we did sleep together, but we haven't interacted in over eight weeks. Rin had my mobile number during that time, so if he was interested he would have called. Obviously sex doesn't mean anything to him. Even so... _

Haru squeezed his eyes shut.

_I don't particularly want to face him right now._

Haru made a list in his head of all the possible ways he could get out of seeing Rin. None of them seemed to be very probable.

'I can just not open the door when he comes. Or I could be really antisocial and open the door in his face.'

_I'm considering it._

There were three knocks to his office door and Haru jumped suddenly. A young lady entered the room with a social affairs badge pinned to her blazer, and-over her shoulder-Haru noticed... Rin.

'Excuse me.' The lady began. 'I'm here to escort your new business partner-you should have received an e-mail about it.'

Haru didn't answer: he found himself very suddenly interested in the lid of his pen.

'Haruka, this is Rin Matsuoka-he's going to be working with you from now on as the head of marketing and sales. It's splitting to a joint position, so he'll have the office next to yours; they'll be a meeting about it with more details in the near future. For now it's important that you cooperate: I know how independent you both are, but sales really won't take off unless you both work together.'

Rin smiled faultlessly.

'I understand. Good morning, Haruka.'

Haru turned around his swivel chair so that his back was toward Rin.

'I'm really busy.' Haru said, bluntly. 'So I don't have time to babysit the freshman. I'm sure Rei downstairs wouldn't mind-'

'No,' the member of staff shook her head. 'Rei downstairs' isn't the head of marketing and sales-Haruka, please don't cause any grief. It won't take long to introduce Matsuoka to your division and set him up in his office-the least you could do is give this gentleman a hello.'

Haru gritted his teeth.

_This 'gentleman' fucked me until I started to see stars-how am I supposed to concentrate now that's he's around?_

'Hello,' Haru mumbled, reluctantly.

'See? Was that so painful?' The lady gave Rin an encouraging pat on the shoulder. 'Unfortunately Matsuoka, this is as far as I can take you. Haruka here should go over everything with you, but in case he doesn't feel like it and starts deciding to act like an ass, please feel free to come downstairs and we can get management in to sort him out.'

Rin gave the lady a pleasant smile.

'Please don't worry about it: if Nanase steps out of line, I'll make sure to give him a tongue-lashing myself.'

Haru gave Rin the most evil stare he could manage. Rin waited until the lady left before sitting down on the end of Haru's desk.

'Don't say 'hello' like 'I wish you were dead.' He drawled.

'As if you're one to talk.' Haru glared at Rin. 'Whatever happened to that pleasant tone of voice you put on earlier? Anyway, don't expect too much of me: like I said, I'm actually really busy.' He picked up a bunch of papers and started shuffling them randomly. 'I have to plan a commercial strategy for this month, so I can't be expected to go over everything-'

'Relax: I don't expect you to hold my hand for this job-I just need to know about the current projects. Give me an overview of what you're doing now and all your paperwork from the beginning of this week. It would also help if you could transfer all your changes to the survey draft to me through the cloud: you know how to do that, right?'

_Rin hasn't even been here five minutes and he's already ordering me around: this guy has some serious nerve._

'I know what I'm doing.' Haru snapped. He didn't know what 'the cloud' was, but wasn't about to confess that to Rin. He made a mental note to ask one of his staff about it later.

'I can take you through the current projects and give you a back catalogue of earlier ones. I'll also show you around this floor and set you up with an IT account, and then I want you out of my way: that's way more than I've been asked to do.'

'So hostile.' Rin pursed his lips. 'Haru, you don't need to get so hot. I know a strong, independent businessman like me can seem a little intimidating at first, but it's really nothing to be nervous about: _certainly_ nothing to provoke that pretty pink blush. Save it for the bedroom, okay?'

Haru clenched his fists atop his lap.

_Rin... I really hate you. I hate you and your stupid attractive face._

* * *

Haru spent the next three hours introducing Rin to his division. He was surprised to find that Rin hadn't moved to touch him or made any other references to their two nights together: the second that Haru had mentioned work, Rin had become focused and concentrated. He listened intently as Haru explained, occasionally asking a question or making a note at the top of a spreadsheet. Haru was actually a little envious of how seriously Rin took his job.

_I take my work seriously, sure, but I don't have a positive attitude. Whenever I get distracted or don't want to do something, I start to slack- Rin isn't like that at all._

Despite having an office beside Rin, the two didn't see each other much more during the first week; this was a deliberate action taken on Haru's part. Haru appointed various employees to prepare Rin for their next big project whilst he tied all the loose ends with the last, attended meetings with clients and corrected proposals. Occasionally they'd pass one another in a hallway, but Haru would always quicken his pace, or invent an excuse to double back. He also worked himself through breaks and lunches, as to avoid passing by Rin's office.

_It's pathetic, I know, but I can't help it-whenever I'm around him I shake like crazy._

On Friday, Haru left the confines of his office and braved the outside world during a lunch break. He and Nagisa went to the underground parking lot to order some food from the lunch van. The two of them sat together on the concrete.

'How's the new employee?' Nagisa asked.

Nagisa was someone whom Haru had known since first school and had remained good friends with since then, despite their contrast in personalities. Whilst Nagisa was cheerful and seemingly always in a good mood, Haru struggled to communicate with other people in a way that could be defined as friendly; this was partially due to the competitive nature of his job, and partially due to the fact that Haru just wasn't a very expressive person by nature. Nagisa was also good friends with Makoto, which was another reason why Haru enjoyed the other mans company-the three of them had a lot of memories together.

'Don't like him.' Haru replied.

'Oh... that sucks!' Nagisa laughed. 'The contract with Samezuka is permanent, too! Ah, well: maybe it just takes time. Maybe the two of you need to get to know each other better. But not too well, you know?' Nagisa winked.

_That piece of advice is about two months late._

'Besides,' Nagisa continued. 'You seemed fine at the corporate party. Can't you just... uhh... pretend to get along for the job, or something?'

Haru laughed.

'You work in the customer department-you shouldn't be saying stuff like: 'it's okay to fake a positive relationship if it's just for work-' people are your speciality.'

'Yeah,' Nagisa gave a wide smile. 'But when you're the head of a division with a high salary, that counts as an exception to social rules, right?'

_Nagisa may be an optimist, but he's not an idiot: he knows how the business world works._

'You make it sound so corrupt,' Haru sighed. 'But I guess what you're saying is true. Hey, doesn't your shift start at half past?'

'Oh... crap!' Nagisa stood. 'I'm gonna have to go back now-coming?'

'No, you go first. I wanna get some coffee.'

Haru walked over to the drinks machine and bought himself a coffee. He was about to head back upstairs when his phone vibrated in his pocket; Haru took it out and read a message from Makoto.

Tachibana, Makoto to Nanase, Haruka (me): Having fun? May be late home tonight. Love you.

Haru smiled gently at the screen; it was such a short and simple message, yet somehow provided Haru with a strong feeling of warmth.

_Makoto always texts during my lunch break because he worries about disturbing my work... He's so thoughtful._

Haru slid down against one of the pillars and tapped back:

Nanase, Haruka (me) to Tachibana, Makoto: I can't overstate my excitement. Rather be at home with you. Miss me?

The phone vibrated again:

Tachibana, Makoto to Nanase, Haruka (me): Always x

Unconsciously, the hand holding Haru's phone pressed it to his heart as he fidgeted with the strap. Haru was about to reply, when he heard footsteps and darted behind a pillar.

'-don't agree with it, not at all. For starters, it's too disjointed.'

Haru tensed behind his pillar. One of the voices he recognised- _it just had to be him. He had to come down here_-but the other was high pitched and unfamiliar.

'Everything about this place seems disjointed! I don't understand why they made the contract to come together when clearly Samezuka had the upper hand in shares! If the manager waited a while, we could have been much bigger-especially with _you_ as the head of marketing, Matsouka-'

'I didn't say that Iwatobi was bad.' Haru heard the click of coins as one of the two bought a coffee. 'I don't care one way or the other. Iwatobi bought out Samezuka so they manage us now: that's just how business works. I just said that this company is holding itself back; the way they are now, they'll never manage to expand. The problem is a management thing: the current head of marketing and sales isn't promoting them properly.'

'The current head of marketing and sales? That would be-'

_Me._

Haru crushed his paper cup in his hands and imagined that it was his thumbs, tightening as they grasped around Rin's throat.

'Aiichiro, you might as well go back upstairs.'

'Eh? Are you sure? Are you going to be okay?'

'Of course. I just have something to take care of.'

Haru heard footsteps as one of the men walked away. After a few moments of silence, Haru peered around his pillar: Rin was still there-leaning against the coffee machine-idly playing with a few strands of his hair.

_Please leave._ Haru silently willed. _Please finish your coffee and go back upstairs. Please hurry up-I don't want to speak to you-_

'I've been standing here for six minutes. Does that earn me a hello?'

Haru scowled to himself.

'Takes two.' He mumbled.

_I didn't think Rin could see me here, but apparently he can... well, that's embarrassing._

Haru slipped out from behind his pillar.

'Not to start a conversation-it only takes one person.'

'Then why didn't _you_ start the conversation?'

'Because.' Rin crumpled his paper cup. 'I'm not the one sulking in the shadows with a face like they've been eating tablespoons of lemon juice. You kept glancing at me so I assumed you wanted something. So I waited, but now I'm bored: I'm going back upstairs.'

'You do that.' Haru snapped icily. 'It would definitely be a lot more fulfilling than slagging off Iwatobi.'

'Aiichiro was the one 'slagging off' Iwatobi-Haru, I was slandering your past business proposals. You're too loose: you need to be fiercer with competitors. How is Iwatobi ever going to rise up if you're only promoting it as a company that's okay? You need to be much more bold and ambitious-'

'And you need to shut the hell up. If you have something to say, you should say it to my face-I can't stand arrogant people like you.'

'Haru, listen to me for a second-'

Haru pushed past Rin and stomped upstairs. He slammed the door to his office shut and buried his head in his arms, listening to his breathing as it steadied and the low hum of his PC tower.

_Why? Why do I feel like screaming?_


	6. Level-headed

**Luuka:** I'm going to start answering reviews from here onward! You can skip over them if you'd like, but there may be something useful here-I don't know. Reviews are a good way to communicate with me if you don't have an account, or just to give me feedback. (Luuka likes feedback a LOT.)

**-LoveKSB: **Haru making a decision... LOL. When has he ever decided anything in this fiction? He's such a typical harem protagonist. (Well; I read that harems need to have at least three or more love interests, but Rin is so handsome he accounts for ten men so therefore my story is a harem.)

I think Haru is very right to be conflicted... just wrong in the way that he goes about it. His situation will get worse (a lot worse) before it gets better: cheating scumbags don't get to be happy until they realise the errors of their ways. ;)

**Warnings:** graphic sexual content

* * *

'Haru, can I talk to you for a minute?'

The sun had begun to set and most of the staff at Iwatobi headquarters were preparing to go home. Rin stood in the doorway to Haru's office.

'Nope, sorry-work finished exactly thirty seconds ago.'

_Thirty__-__six: as if I'm not counting_.

Haru gathered his papers into his briefcase and closed down his netbook. Rin scowled at him.

'Well, I want to speak with you.'

'Well, too bad-I want to go home. If I don't leave now, I'll hit the six o'clock rush.'

'It's seven thirty.'

'Then the seven thirty rush.'

'You're such a fucki-' Rin broke away. 'Haru, I'll say it really quickly so listen: I'm really sorry about what I said earlier in the parking lot. I didn't mean to imply that you were incompetent... I do have a few issues with some of your past projects, but I shouldn't have spoken to anyone outside of the department. That was out of line and I'm sorry, but I was stressed out because you wouldn't respond to my e-mails, and... Haru, are you listening to me?'

'Sorry, what? I wasn't paying attention. Want to say all that again?'

'Never mind. Forget it.'

'Will do. Bye.' Haru turned to walk away, when a strong hand grabbed him by the wrist.

'I don't understand,' Rin slammed Haru against a wall. 'I don't understand, so can you please tell me what the fuck is happening inside of your head? You're the one who came onto me and now you're pretending I don't exist... not just around the company but during work hours, too; whenever I'm around, you always have somewhere else to be! Why are you avoiding me?'

'Because I don't want a relationship with you,' Haru wriggled uncomfortably. 'I think I made that very clear.'

'You haven't made anything clear-all you've done is avoid me.'

'Then pick up on the signs! Do I need to spell it out?'

Haru felt Rin pull away from him slightly.

'There's someone else, isn't there?' Rin asked. 'Someone other than me who doesn't know what we did.'

_He's sharp_, Haru thought to himself. Rin had presented Haru with an opportunity to confess, but it was also an opportunity to take a stab at Rin's confidence: it didn't take long for Haru to decide which one he wanted to do.

'Is that seriously how you see me?' Haru snapped. 'And just when I thought you couldn't be any more condescending... you really are insufferable! Obviously, the only possible reason that I don't want to be in a relationship with you is because I'm a cheater and a liar-obviously that's the only logical conclusion!'

The words hit their intended target-Rin staggered backwards and begun to trip over his words.

'Haru, I-I didn't... I didn't mean to say that... wait. So that means you're not going out with anyone right now?'

'Maybe, maybe not-it's none of your concern.'

Without noticing, Haru had begun to quiver. He was anxious-uncontrollably so-but it was an anxiousness that was governed by a sense of excitement. Around Rin, Haru felt strange and unnerved, yet at the same time he was so paradoxically filled with an over-spilling yearning to move toward the other man; the only part of Haru that didn't feel an ounce of tension was a bulge that had begun to shift restlessly in his pants. Haru felt weak at the knees with the feeling.

_Why do I lose control of myself around Rin? I can't even help myself at this point: it's so obvious how much I want him__._

Rin's hands rolled over Haru's waist.

'Rin, let-let me go.'

'I can't let you go: your legs are trembling. If I let go of your waist then you'll fall over.'

'My legs are trembling because you're holding onto my waist! Just stop-'

'Haru,' Rin said, simply. 'Shut up and kiss me.'

And, Haru did-he didn't know why he did. All of that protesting... all of that fighting back... it had all been undone in the moment Haru surrendered. Haru wrapped his arms around Rin's neck and kissed him hard on the lips. One of Rin's thighs slipped between Haru's legs, and Haru found himself moving against it as he sucked on Rin's tongue, moving his body up and down in time with the melody of Rin's breathing and heartbeat.

'Haruka.' Rin breathed. 'I want you to listen to me. Are you listening?'

When Haru didn't reply, Rin reached down his pants and squeezed-

'Yes, okay! Yes, I'm listening!'

Haru wanted to glare at Rin, but didn't feel as if he had it in him-his hands had gone from being splayed along the back of Rin's shirt to gripping hold of the fabric tightly. Rin used his body to pin Haru against the wall and bent in to press hot, wet kisses to his neck.

'That's good...' Rin hummed. 'Haru, let's play a game together. Hmm... well. Maybe a game isn't right: you can think of it as an interrogation. So what do you think? Are you in?'

Haru's pulse fluttered in his throat.

'There's no way that could benefit me...'

'Not at first,' Rin grinned. 'But I can make it worth your time if you pass.'

'P-pass?'

'Mmn.' Rin tugged on Haru's earlobe with his teeth. 'Haru, I'm going to ask you some questions, and you're going to respond to me truthfully. You're an open book, so don't even think about lying: I won't be gentle on you if you do.'

_Rin wants to ask me some... questions? So he only wants to talk?_

Haru bit his lip and shuddered as Rin thumbed Haru's nipple through his shirt and sucked on the thin fabric with his tongue. The touch wasn't enough-not nearly enough-and yet it still made Haru feel so hot and unrestrained...

'You're so cute, Haru.' Rin whispered. 'You're so, so very cute. You can't ever push me away and you're nervous whenever we're together, so here comes the first question: you like me a lot, don't you?'

Haru ground his teeth.

'I don't know,' he replied. Rin sighed at this.

'You didn't stutter-that was probably truthful. You get a reward for that.'

Rin kissed Haru softly on the lips.

_He's rewarding me with his own kisses? Jeez... someone thinks very highly of themselves. Still, what else did I expect? This is Rin we're talking about, after all._

_And it's not like I find his kisses to be unpleasant..._

'Next question,' Rin continued. 'Why have you been avoiding me?'

_This is like some really bad game show._

Rin squeezed the bulge in Haru's pants again, and Haru gave a small yelp of surprise.

'R-Rin, d-don't, t-that seriously hurts! R-Rin, you're not... you're not i-interested in me... During the two months that we weren't together, y-you didn't try to contact me at all... i-if you liked me, you would have c...called...'

Rin laughed genuinely into Haru's ear: it was a bubbly and attractive sound, which rolled over Haru's groin like warm honey.

'Oh, Haru- we're you sulking? Is that what all this was about?' He kissed Haru on the forehead chastely. 'I'm sorry for denying you my attention. Samezuka was in the middle of the transfer, so I was busy... and besides: you were very suspicious at the time. The first time I called you, you were jumpy as hell... were you with someone else back then? You were, weren't you?'

'That's not any of your business.'

Haru tried to turn away, but Rin grabbed both of his wrists and kissed him. A warmth begun to spill through Haru's body, reaching it's way down through his chest and curling at the base of his hips, snaking around Haru's rising crotch.

'Does she make you feel like this?' Rin breathed, tilting Haru's chin to deepen their kiss.

_She... _

The word drifted absently through Haru's mind as he continued to kiss Rin.

_Actually, the other person is a guy... Not that it makes much difference: I'm still having an affair._

Haru neither confirmed nor denied these thoughts to Rin. One of Rin's hands reached underneath Haru's shirt whilst the other begun to pluck at the elastic of his waistband, teasing him with light touches.

'There's no one else,' Haru lied, and Rin squeezed Haru's balls in a fist.

'R-Rin, I-I-I just told you that f-feels painful, stop it! Just believe me... Rin, I'm telling you the truth... You can do this all night, but t-there's no one... there isn't...'

'Promise me.'

'I-I promise...'

Rin's eyes flicked over Haru's face with an expression which suggested that he didn't believe him, but he gave a tired sigh and pulled back, allowing Haru to slump against the wall.

'Okay.' Rin sighed. 'I guess I can believe you.'

The serious demeanour slipped away, and Rin pulled Haru into his arms in apology.

'Sorry-perhaps I was too rough, but the idea of someone else having you makes me feel somewhat agitated, Haru. Two out of four, or three out of three depending on the truth of your last statement... hmm. Do you think you deserve a reward?'

Haru scrunched his nose into Rin's shoulder-even as Rin had been speaking, he'd been pressing their groins together, moving against Haru in their embrace as his strong hands groped and rubbed Haru's bare skin. There was a pulse of erotic energy coursing through Haru's hips, and he bit down on the inside of his cheek to ignore it.

'Y-You're so arrogant...' Haru mumbled. 'You just assume that I want this, w-when we both know that you... you're the one who wants it more...'

'I do want this,' Rin laughed huskily. He removed his hands and pulled back from Haru's body. 'But if the feelings not mutual, then I guess I'll just leave. If that's what you really want-'

'Finish what you started!'

Haru grasped the front of Rin's already creased shirt and pulled him closer by his collar. Rin raised an eyebrow into his red hair.

'Do I have your majesties consent?'

'Yes... yes, just do it!'

Haru's body felt so hot from desire, and lust had made him so uncontrollably needy; Rin was deliberately delaying Haru, and the anticipation was agonizing.

'You have to get into character. Say it more romantically.'

'Rin, fuck you.'

'I think you mean: 'fuck me...' but if you want it that much, I suppose the details don't matter.'

Rin stripped away all of his clothes and pulled Haru onto the floor. In the time it had taken for Rin to get completely naked, Haru had only managed to remove his lower layers... not that the upper half of his body needed Rin's attention quite as much as its counterpart. Rin kissed Haru's well-defined thighs, and slipped the head of Haru's member into his mouth: Haru gasped, shook and shuddered underneath Rin's lips, breathing heavily as Rin's cheeks hollowed, feeling Rin's warm, hot mouth run sticky trails along his sensitive skin. Rin flipped Haru onto his hands and knees and climbed on top of his body, pressing his front to the slick skin of Haru's back.

'Mmm...' Rin mumbled into Haru's damp hair. 'Haru, so hard...'

Haru didn't know which one of them he was talking about but he didn't care: all he knew was that he wanted Rin-really, really wanted Rin. He gave a needy moan in response.

'Yes, baby, yes... I'm finding a condom...'

Rin was back on top of Haru, and three of his fingers had found their way inside him. Haru gasped and nuzzled his nose into the carpet, sighing in pleasure as Rin scissored his fingers and used his tongue to moisten Haru's entrance.

'Oh... oh, Rin... please...'

It was difficult for Haru to remain fixed in one place; every instinct in his body told him to push Rin onto the floor and climb on top of his length to take control of the situation. Just before he could act on those impulses, Rin covered Haru's mouth with his own, grasped Haru's hips roughly and pushed himself inside of Haru with one coarse movement.

_Rin, be careful: you're going to tear me in half._

Haru winced as Rin pushed inside of him, realising that-despite his eagerness-his body hadn't properly adjusted to accommodate Rin. But in a way, that was part of the pleasure-Rin's member was long and slick, thumping pleasure into Haru's senses. Hot, angry lust coursed it's way through Haru's body like lakes of fire as his vision doubled before him. Pleasure and pain seemed to become entwined, dancing together in a blurred line that was hectically spinning further and further away from Haru's control; his own erection demanded attention, but Rin didn't seem available to give it.

_Get a grip, get a grip..._

_But how? I'm on all fours._

_Itfeelssharp... do something._

_What? _

_Call out his name..._

'R-Rin!' Haru called, not able to formulate an actual sentence but hoping that from the tone of his voice Rin would realise-know- what he needed. Rin grunted and reached down with fumbling fingers; it only took a few strokes to send waves of heat through Haru's body and turn sharpness into ecstasy, bringing him to an orgasm.

Rin's breathing had become erratic and his movements fast and powerful; Haru cried out and trembled as Rin managed to hit him harder and deeper, positioned directly to strike Haru's prostate. Once and then twice, and then over and over... Haru made incoherent sounds, unsure of how much of the pleasure he could take. Rin's grip on Haru's waist tightened to the point that it was actually painful; he bit Haru's neck and kissed the wet skin fiercely, panting into Haru ear as warm, hot, sticky liquid spilled through Haru's entrance and down onto the back of his thighs. Rin grew limp and collapsed on top of Haru, and the two men lay together in a heap on the carpet.

Haru could have pushed Rin away, but for some reason he didn't. Even after he'd calmed down he remained on the floor, allowing Rin to gently stroke his damp hair- lying still and thinking about nothing much- just appreciating the warmth that the other man emitted. After what seemed like a quiet eternity, Rin slipped out from Haru's body.

'What happens now?' He asked.

'Now we go home.'

'Together?'

Haru rolled his eyes.

'Sure, why not... is what I'd say in your dreams. Contrary to what happened, I actually hate you: you've got no hope in hell of coming back to my place.'

Rin shrugged.

'Worth a shot. So, does this mean you're going to be nice to me at work?'

Haru exhaled.

'Didn't you hear what I just said? I won't ignore you any more, but that doesn't mean I have to like you... if it's even possible to like you. Anyway, don't push your luck.'

'Yeah, yeah.' Rin looped his tie around his neck and brushed his fingers through his hair.

_He looks so completely unabashed_, Haru thought to himself, as he watched Rin straighten up. _Minutes ago he was crying out, his body was bright red and he was covered in sweat... not that you'd know it from looking at him now. I thought Rin was at his limit, but he doesn't even seem fazed by what just happened._

Rin caught Haru staring and smiled.

'Is there a problem?'

'Not at all,' Haru lied. Tentatively, he begun to pick up his crumpled work-clothes, smoothing out the creases and chewing his lip in discontent.

_I said no, but nothings further from the truth... there is a problem. And it's getting worse quickly._

There was a problem because-maybe Haru had imagined it-but he could have sworn that as he'd climaxed, he'd heard Rin murmur: 'I love you,' into his ear, over the thump of his own heartbeat.


	7. It's not you, it's me

**Warnings:** sexual content

* * *

Rin's first month working at Iwatobi taught Haru several things about his new business partner.

The first thing Haru leaned about Rin was that Rin didn't just look impressive-he was actually good at his job. Whenever the two of them worked together, Rin didn't hesitate to point out any drawbacks in Haru's work or put forward his own ways which he thought it could be improved; naturally, Haru found this incredibly annoying. Although he was aware that Iwatobi's sales had increased by 7% within the first month of Rin's involvement, Haru still refused to accept Rin's assistance in his half of the job without a struggle. The two of them bickered immensely when it came to collaboration-their personalities clashed and there was a lot of fighting for the last word- and by the end of the first month Haru was pretty sure that every item on his desk had been thrown at Rin in some way, save for his pc monitor. (Which he'd seriously considered.)

The amount of frustration Haru received from working with Rin was unparalleled to anything he'd ever felt before: never before in Haru's life had he been told that his work 'just wasn't good enough,' and Haru couldn't even remember the last time that he'd been given a direct order. Before Rin arrived, he'd been completely in control... but around Rin, Haru didn't even have control of himself. It was a situation that was both difficult and uncompromising-Haru didn't know if he could get used to Rin or not.

* * *

'Did you even concentrate when you wrote this?' Rin asked Haru, as he flicked through one of Haru's most recent sales plans. 'Haru, I'd expect this level of understanding from an eight year old: your development section is completely blank!'

A vein on Haru's forehead twitched.

'Rin... I spent six hours referencing this report and didn't get any sleep last night because of it. Please... for your own safety... just say that it's fine... just shut the hell up and say that it's okay...'

_I'm ten seconds from beating you to death with the emergency fire extinguisher._

'Six hours? I don't believe you.' Rin took a pen and begun crossing out entire sections of Haru's work. 'Haru, I don't understand how it's so sloppy-I finished my plan in just over ninety minutes, and _I_ didn't have any of these problems. This work is so simple a monkey could do it.'

'A monkey did do it,' Haru replied. 'It finished its plan in just over ninety minutes, and now it's walked into my office like it owns the place and has started lecturing _me _on pointless things I don't care about. And speaking of pointless, how much more of my time are you planning to steal today? Rin, I've had to put up with you all morning... do you not think I've suffered enough?'

Haru leaned across the desk and rubbed Rin's thigh.

'You should at least give me some kind of a reward...'

'My presence is a reward.' Rin said shortly. He brushed Haru's hand from his leg.

'Haru, could you please get me a phonebook? There should be one by the photocopier, thanks. Oh... and a coffee would be great, too... but make sure you go down to the bottom floor to get it; the machine up here is too milky.'

Haru 'accidently' kicked Rin in the leg as he got up and made his way into the hallway-it was going to be a very long afternoon.

* * *

Although they were at other's throats during work, Haru and Rin's romantic relationship was definitely improving. During lunch or after work, the two of them would often disappear together into an empty office, toilet cubicle or store room.

It didn't seem to matter how much they'd argued or whatever names they'd called each other before, because whenever Rin kissed Haru, Haru's hostile feelings seemed to slip away, quickly becoming replaced by softer ones such as tenderness, warmth, passion and yearning, and many other confusing emotions that Haru couldn't understand or name.

Even on the first night Haru had met Rin, he'd felt attracted toward the other man and was surprised to find that this attraction was growing- although his hands still shook whenever the two of them were close. He supposed it was a guilt thing...

Although Haru couldn't think of Makoto whenever Rin kissed him the way that he did.

* * *

'You don't like me very much when we're in the office, do you?' Rin asked Haru in the canteen one lunch break. Haru was using a spoon to build a castle out of the froth in his latte.

'You sound surprised. You're a jerk during work.'

'I'm not a jerk,' Rin sighed. 'I just want to do well in my job. Is that a problem?'

'Over-achievers are annoying.'

'So are under-achievers. They get in everybody's way.'

Haru stood up at his table suddenly.

'What the hell are you trying to imply? You must have a fucking death wish-Rin, I've had enough of your attitude! You've just steamrolled into my life, started ordering me around and now you're... wait... laughing? Why the hell are you laughing?'

It was more like a giggle but it was very deep and soft; as Rin laughed his shoulders shook and his bright eyes crinkled in happiness. Haru flushed a little, sinking back into his chair.

'I'm sorry Haru-I really can't help it. I'm trying to take you seriously but it's difficult... your expression is perfect. You're adorable when you're mad.'

'Adorable?' He repeated the word with disbelief.

'Yeah, adorable-you're so cute, Haru. You glare at me the whole time when we work together yet whenever I look up at you, you turn your head way. And when you scowl your nose scrunches up-I swear you do it on purpose.' Rin laughed. 'All of these cute little reflexes and actions: it's like they're designed just to grab my attention. Your body does everything it can to love me.'

'For your information,' Haru said, coolly. 'I was actually born with this face. My DNA wasn't created specifically for your viewing pleasures-however perverted said pleasures may be.'

'Hmm, sorry: I don't really follow. So, me having sex with you is 'perverted...' even though you completely content it?'

Haru shook his head.

'The stuff I know about is fine. I'm talking about the stuff I don't know about... The things that you do when no one else is around... when you're alone and thinking about me.'

At this statement, Rin crooked an eyebrow.

'Haru, if no one else is around then how do you know that I do anything while I'm alone... or that I even think about you at all? That's a very bold assumption.'

'But you're not denying it.'

'No, I'm not. Want me to text you a video when I get home?'

Haru slapped Rin's arm.

'Don't be vulgar!' He said, breathlessly. And then, moments later, added quietly: 'yes, please.'

Before the two of them knew it, they were holding hands underneath the table.

* * *

But it wasn't just Haru who found Rin attractive-many of the female staff at Iwatobi had taken a clear liking to his company. Even other males were impressed by his work-Rin's sex appeal seemed to stretch to the corners of the earth itself, and Haru found the concept more than a little nauseating.

_Rin's problem_, Haru thought to himself. _Is that he has no problems._ _He's attractive and knows everything, he's charismatic and everyone likes him... but I bet there's something more._ _I bet he's hiding some dirty secret.  
_

Following this, Haru had dedicated three of his lunchtimes to attempting to find dirt on Rin. He'd googled relentlessly, hoping for a Facebook page displaying all of the shameful things that Rin did in his spare time, or an e-mail subscription to a shady website. The result of this was a Myspace profile that hadn't been logged into for a few years containing nothing of interest. Haru dug into the company documents and found a copy of Rin's CV.

But Rin's CV checked out, too: all of his references were genuine. Haru learned that Rin had previously studied in Australia and was fresh out of university, when- late last year-he'd gotten a job high up in Samezuka and worked there for less than half a year before his transfer to Iwatobi. Rin had no experience what-so-ever, but a level 8 Master's degree in business-the qualification was legitimate, and several tiers more advanced than Haru's own level 5 diploma. Haru rammed the file back into its place, disgusted by how perfect it was.

Disappointedly, he stalked back to his office to have another look through Rin's old Myspace profile.

The profile in question was innocent and charming: evidently, Rin hadn't used the website much because there wasn't much content on his homepage. There were a few conversations about sports and several photographs of young Rin and his apparent sister; a particular one caught Haru's interest.

In the picture stood seventeen year old Rin-dressed in black swim trunks with a red stripe-holding up a medal he'd won in a swimming competition.

_Seventeen..._ Haru begun to lament. _In this picture, Rin's the same age that I was when I first started going out with Makoto. Come to think of it, our first kiss was in a pool: it's weird how this little thing connects us._

Haru clicked on the picture and zoomed in on Rin's waist board.

_He got the muscles like that when he was just seventeen? Not bad... not bad at all..._

Haru was about to zoom in more when-

'What I don't understand,' came a voice from behind him. 'Is why you're looking at pictures of me when you've got the real thing next door. Kinda like living in a shed when you can have a gleaming palace... you know?'

Haru closed his internet window and spun around quickly. Rin was standing in the doorway, a loose smirk playing on his lips.

'How... how long have you been standing there?'

'Few seconds,' Rin leered. 'Was that a photograph of me?'

'No.'

'Didn't look like it. Can I see your browsing history?'

'What do you want?' Haru demanded. He tried putting on a serious expression, but figured the flush of embarrassment on his cheeks probably gave him away.

'You're always so fierce... would it kill you to say hello?' Rin spread his hands before him and laughed. 'Haru, I came upon your call-your heart was longing for me. Through the walls of the office I could hear your unspoken wish... to be with me, the one whom you desire.'

Haru lowered his eyes sceptically-he wasn't buying Rin's playful act.

'I didn't wish for you and my heart wasn't longing- not even slightly. Rin, you're full of crap.'

'And you're stingy-I was _playing_.'

Haru had about fifteen replies lined up in his head when Rin put a hand on either arm of Haru's chair. Whatever anger or embarrassment Haru had felt before seemed to slip right through the floor and instinctively Haru reached up, pulling Rin onto his lap.

Their kiss was soft, slow and gentle: after Rin pulled back he traced the curve of Haru's nose, whilst Haru's eyes watched him with anticipation. Several times, Haru's eyelashes fluttered: he wanted to close his eyes and appreciate Rin's fingers as they stroked his face to the fullest, but a more defiant part of him still seemed to hold a thread of semblance over his actions. Rin pecked Haru three times on the lips as Haru smoothed his fingers through Rin's hair and moaned.

'Rin...' he murmured. 'We can't... we can't do this. Someone might see us... someone might come in...'

Haru didn't mean a word of what he'd just said, but a better part of him had told him to speak the words, anyway. Rin brushed Haru's cheek with his fingertips.

'Haruka, shhh... just give me one more of your kisses. One more long one-that's all I want. I'll stop after that... promise, baby... promise...'

Whatever had been left of Haru's resistance instantly crumbled and he leaned in to Rin's lips, seemingly melting into the other man's arms. As their tongues mingled, Haru begun to feel lightheaded-his hands had just found the beginning of Rin's zipper when Rin caught them in his own and stood.

'Hate to break off what I'm sure would have been a very interesting half an hour of lunch, but I've really got to go. I'm meeting with the I.T block in five minutes- I want to have my computer upgraded.'

Haru slid up in the chair.

'What the hell?' He blurted out, feeling angry- and a little disappointed. 'Rin, you're such a manipulative prick! If you only had five minutes to spare, why even bother coming in here to see me?'

'For a kiss, of course.' Rin grinned at Haru. 'And anyway, weren't you saying yourself that having sex in here wouldn't be a good idea?'

'S-shut up...' Haru murmured.

_So what if I'm a little conflicted when it comes to you and me? Rin-you can be such an idiot sometimes. But I really like you... I like you a lot..._

'Haru.' Rin said, suddenly. 'Are you free tomorrow lunch?'

_Tomorrow is a Saturday... this can't be about work._

'Um, uh... Why are you asking me this now?'

'Because you have to take me for a drink, remember? Are you free-yes or no?'

_Uh-oh: this is getting bad. If I'm not careful, Rin will think we've started dating, and that's definitely not a borderline that I want to cross. I have to steer the conversation away..._

'Is that an order?' Haru laughed. 'Because in case you haven't noticed, tomorrow is a weekend. I'm not inclined to take orders regarding my personal life-'

'I'm not ordering you... I'm asking. Haru... do you want to go out with me sometime?'

Rin's voice had become incredibly gentle, and Haru found that it was difficult to look him in the eyes.

_He's serious-Rin is seriously interested in me! He doesn't want to have casual sex... he's actually asking me out for drinks_.

Haru felt his heart tighten in his chest.

_What am I supposed to say back?_

'I...'

Haru thought of how much he liked Rin. He thought of how nervous Rin made him feel, and how excited he got whenever the two of them were close. He thought of how hot his skin became whenever they were near, how passionate it was when the two of them kissed, how attractive he found Rin, and all the emotions that Rin made him feel... and then Haru thought of Makoto's smile, and the way it would slowly slip from his face as Haru told him that the two of them were over. Haru's stomach begun to knot and he looked away, uncomfortably.

'Rin, I'm sorry: I just can't.'

'I see.' There was a very long pause. The skin on the top of Rin's cheeks tinged red.

'So, do I get to find out why? Is it because you have a girlfriend, or...'

Haru shook his head.

'It's not a girlfriend.'

_I'm not lying._

'Then is it me? Is it the thing you said the other night about me being arrogant and condescending?'

'No, it's not you!' Haru felt very uncomfortable... 'It's not you, it's me, I'm just... not sure about anything at the moment. I don't know if the two of us would be any good together and I don't know if I'm ready for it. That's why I can't: I can't force myself onto you.'

'So, it's a sexuality thing...' Rin hummed. 'I see. That would explain all of your jumpy behaviour... well, I guess it's different for everyone.' He shrugged noncommittally. 'I should probably get back to my office.'

He turned to leave, when Haru called out-

'Rin!' He yelled. 'Is that it? Are we over?'

Rin stopped in the doorway.

'What more is there to say?'

'I don't... I don't know...'

Haru was surprised: after everything they'd done together, he'd expected Rin to resist. Expected? No... he'd _wanted _Rin to resist-

'Next week.' Haru breathed. 'At the beginning of next week we'll go into town and I'll buy you a drink, but you have to promise not to make any moves on me. Rin, I don't... I don't know how I feel. Whenever I think about you, my head gets so hot-I don't understand anything at the moment. Please wait for me to think this through: I can't promise anything, but please... please give me the chance to consider it... please give me the chance to consider _us_... '

Haru didn't know what he was saying-the words were tumbling out of his mouth.

_I want to be with Rin_, he thought. _But at the same time I love Makoto: I need to approach this situation properly. I need to know if I really love Rin before I go back to my life with Makoto, because if I don't, I'll keep thinking about him forever: I could make a huge mistake. I need to be able to love Makoto completely and give him all of my heart-I can't keep flickering between the two of them. I need to know if I'm in love with Rin-and if that love is stronger than Makoto's- or if I just like Rin's body, or if it's a phase I'm experiencing, or a side effect of what we did... I need to find out what this is. This is the rest of our lives that I'm playing with, so I have to make the right choice-even if that means playing Rin close to my chest._

Rin made a noise of annoyance.

'You like keeping people on a tight-rope, don't you?'

'That's right.' Haru gripped Rin's forearms. 'Rin, I'm not-I'm not an ideal person at all... I'm the worst person that you could possibly want to be with. I'm irritable and indecisive, and I can't take criticism or even compliments. I behave like a child and I'm bad at deciding what I want, even though I only think of myself... it's really sort of stupid, isn't it? I'm hypocritical, jealous and dishonest, and I'm confident that if you wanted you could find someone better, and really don't know what you see in me, so... do you want to give me a try?'

Haru squeezed his eyes shut and waited for a response. Thump, thump... the sound of footsteps coming closer, then Haru felt the press of something soft against his lips. Haru opened his eyes and was met with Rin's smile.

'If you want time then I can give you time. But, Haru... I need to know. Do you like me?'

Haru pressed his forehead against Rin's.

'It's possible... that technically... I do.' He mumbled.

_That's the best answer I can give you for now._


	8. Never Mind

**Luuka: **hello everyone. I have the next Makoto chapter now.

I apologise for the late update, but Luuka is having a crisis-I seem to be always having a crisis. I have four exams in six weeks and I'm very tired: all of my free time has been revoked by my college, because nine hours of my life five times a week are apparently not enough to keep them satisfied-I could complain about it forever but I think you get the picture. This probably won't change anything regarding updates because I'm trash, and if my teachers tell me that I should be studying I'm still going to find time to write graphic yaoi, but I wanted to complain, anyway-it's what I do.

You guys can have your chapter now.

* * *

'I called you so many times! Haru, why didn't you answer? You're getting home later and later.'

This had been Haru's greeting from Makoto when he arrived back at his apartment at 11:30 that evening-Makoto was waiting at the dinner table with his phone beside him, face up on the tablecloth. Even from across the room, Haru could see the dark circles underneath his eyes.

'I was busy.' Haru replied shortly.

'Would a text have killed you? Haru, you usually get home at eight but you've been gone for three and a half extra hours... you could have been in a car accident!'

Haru removed his tie and tsked in frustration-the tsking was a bad habit he'd recently picked up from Rin.

'You're the only one who thinks like that- you're the only one who jumps to such stupid conclusions! I said I was busy so why isn't that enough? Makoto, I don't need this from you!'

'What? Why are you yelling? Haru-'

Haru kicked the door and stomped out of the kitchen, leaving Makoto alone at the table, trying to make sense of what had just happened.

* * *

'Calmed down?' Makoto asked later, as he climbed into bed beside Haru. Haru squeezed his eyes shut and buried himself beneath the bedcovers in embarrassment.

'I'm sorry,' he mumbled. 'I didn't mean to get mad. I don't know why I lashed out like that, and I don't have any excuses. There's no way to justify my behaviour.'

Makoto laughed and tugged away the duvet, curling Haru close to his chest.

'Haru,' He begun, softly. 'You're just like a kid when it comes to things like this, aren't you? You don't know how to deal with your emotions at all.'

Silence. Makoto rubbed Haru's back and twirled several strands of his hair.

'I don't know what's wrong with you,' Makoto said, to Haru. 'But if you haven't told me then I assume that I can't help. But... I still want to be there for you, so what's the best way I can show my support? How can I make things easier for you? Please tell me, Haru: I want to know because I love you. I love you preciously- and so very much- so please tell me what it will take to make you smile again.'

A tear of vexation slipped from Haru's eye and dropped onto Makoto's bare shoulder.

_I'm not as faithful as you think._

'I'm so confused... so stressed and unsure. Makoto, I don't... I don't know what to do...'

_Makoto, please: don't hold me so gently. Don't love me so much, because I don't deserve it... not after everything that I'm doing to you and me. _

_I've loved you for so many years but now I've met someone else who might take all that away, because I might love them more than you... but I can't make sense of what I feel. The feelings keep going around and around in my head: whenever I'm with you I feel an overwhelming love, but whenever I'm with Rin I begin to question that... what am I supposed to do? I keep cheating on you in the hope that I'll be able to choose, but it's getting harder and harder by the day... _

_I'm sorry, Makoto: I'm so sorry. Someday- if you still love me- I promise to tell you all about this, but for now I may have to betray you for just a little while longer._

Haru grasped Makoto's shoulder and buried his nose against Makoto's hair. Like a small child, he clung to Makoto, unable to let him go for the fear that he'd disappear.

'You're not losing me, Haru.' Makoto whispered. 'I'll be here for you always... no matter what happens.'

Haru shut his eyes and nodded, wondering how much strain Makoto's 'always' could endure.

* * *

On Saturday morning, Haru got up as normal. He shaved, washed and kissed Makoto on the cheek, then spent two hours out jogging around the city. By the time he got back to his apartment, Makoto was packing lunch into a bag.

'Going somewhere?' Haru asked. There was a touch of fear in his voice.

'That's right,' Makoto nodded. 'You don't have any work to do today, do you?'

'Not really. Why?'

'Well, I have to collect some material for an article... Haru, I was hoping that you'd come with me.'

And so, that was how Haru had ended up hand in hand with Makoto, spending his Saturday afternoon walking around a zoo. A lot of people stared at them but Haru didn't care-he wanted to hold Makoto's hand, today; he felt like he and Makoto needed it. Haru had learned to get used to the staring-get used to the glances, whispers and murmurs. Learned to squeeze Makoto's hand tighter and smile, because Makoto's opinion was the one that mattered; all of the other people were just pieces of the scenery.

As the day drew itself to a close, Haru and Makoto found themselves leaning over the handrails to an exhibit, watching two giraffes wrap their necks around each other. The giraffes were either fighting to the death or mating... Haru was having a hard time working out which one it was.

'I lied to you,' Makoto said, suddenly. 'I didn't come here to write an article. Actually... Haru... I just wanted to be with you. I wanted us to spend the day together somewhere.'

This wasn't news to Haru-he'd figured out Makoto's motives in the car. Makoto had taken him to a public zoo so they could talk in a place where Haru couldn't yell at him or stomp off on his own... which meant that Makoto wanted a serious conversation. Haru tensed in preparation.

'It's nice here,' Makoto continued. 'It's nice to go out together sometimes, isn't it? Even though it's late, it's still sunny... that's always a good sign.'

Haru couldn't have cared less about the weather- it could have been raining blood and he wouldn't have batted an eyelash. What worried him was the tone of Makoto's voice. Whenever Makoto had spoken to Haru before, his voice seemed to hold a milky quality, as if each word became warm when he spoke it-as if Haru could sense his affection through his voice. The hollow echo that he used now sounded so empty and far away... almost as if it had come from a different person.

'You're not well at the moment.' Makoto said.

'What do you mean? I'm fine.'

'No, you're not. You're not sleeping and you're not eating properly, either... Haru, I'm worried about you.'

Makoto had chosen his words carefully- Haru knew that: 'I'm worried about us,' had been on the tip of Makoto's tongue.

'I have a lot of work right now.' Haru replied. 'So sometimes I have episodes where I freak out. I don't remember if I told you, but I have a new business partner... long story short: I want to kill him. He keeps saying that we should do more to promote Iwatobi to the point where I think he's trying to turn it into an Empire, so sometimes I get stressed out because of him. But that's it, really-I'm handling things just fine.'

Haru was finding it difficult to have a serious conversation with the giraffes attempting to strangle each other in the background. Makoto didn't seem to notice-his eyes had wandered off into the distance and focused on something over the horizon.

'It's worrisome.' Makoto mumbled. 'Because I feel like I'm the problem in this relationship. You're moving up now and earning so much-my monthly salary is less than four percent of yours. I feel like I'm not doing enough to support you; you're so talented, Haru. But me... I'm not like that.' Makoto sighed. 'I couldn't even manage to get into publishing like I wanted- I ended up working as a journalist instead. But, I'm happy... It isn't a bad job. I love this comfortable life with you; I adore it and I treasure it, but now I feel like its being threatened... that's why all this is coming out. It's a stupid feeling, isn't it?'

'It's not stupid,' Haru fidgeted. 'Sometimes I worry that you might leave me, too.'

'Why would I leave you? Is there any reason why I should?'

'N-No, not at all!' Haru dropped his head. 'It's just a fear that's always looming over me. I'm scared that one day you'll say: 'this is where I get off, thanks a lot for the memories,' turn around and walk out of my life-I'm terrified that you'll go away.'

'I wouldn't do that to you.' Makoto turned to Haru. 'I wouldn't leave you all of a sudden, when you've been nothing but faithful to me for so long. I mean it when I say that I love you, Haru.'

'I know.'

Haru let go of Makoto's hand and gripped the railings-he was beginning to feel guilty. Haru had cheated on his partner, but also neglected him emotionally: there was a fierce battle taking place inside of Makoto and, not only had Haru created the conflict, but also failed to aid Makoto throughout it.

_Obviously there have been problems with our relationship: I've been sleeping with my co-worker and using work as an excuse, and the result of that has made me a lot more distant towards Makoto. I shouldn't have just left this alone-Makoto thinks that he's the problem. Makoto's blaming himself..._

_But still, I'm not prepared to give up Rin just yet. As long as Makoto doesn't implicitly know what's going on then it's not going to hurt him, right? All I have to do is patch the cracks in his trust. All I have to do is make sure that he feels happy..._

'You mean everything to me,' Haru said to Makoto. 'And you always take care of me, even though I don't deserve it. So, I'm sorry.'

He kissed Makoto on the cheek.

'You apologise a lot lately.' Makoto frowned. 'Why?'

'No reason.'

'Mmn.' Makoto rubbed his eyes. 'Haru, it's getting late... I think we should go back now. Oh- actually... can we stop somewhere on the way? There's something that I really want you to see...'

* * *

The car bumped as it drove to the top of a hill and stopped in a small gravel car park, overlooking the city. Haru peered at gleaming dots of faraway buildings from behind the windshield.

'This is a very precious place to me.' Makoto mumbled, to Haru. 'Haru, I wanted to come here with you, too.'

Haru looked around-was this place really important? To him, it just looked like an ordinary hill. He didn't see why Makoto had driven them up to the top when-as far as Haru was concerned-nothing significant had happened there. But then Haru turned back to the view...

_Ah-so that's what's so special to Makoto._

'You can see our old high school from here.' Haru realised, noticing one of the closer buildings. 'This hill is positioned directly over the high school where we used to go as teenagers. That's why you like this place, isn't it?'

'That's right.' Makoto nodded. 'Whenever I get stuck on an article or struggle for inspiration, I always come to this hill and remember the time we spent together... it always makes me feel better, somehow. But it's not really the high school I like looking at; you know which part specifically, don't you?'

'The school pool...'

_Makoto likes the pool because it's the place where we had our first kiss. It's the place where Makoto told me that he loved me..._

'The pool is disused now.' Makoto said. 'And that's a good thing-I suppose-people might get the wrong impression if I watched it whilst other teenagers swum there.'

_No kidding... Makoto, if someone reported you, you could get arrested for that._

Haru bit his tongue to hold back that retort. Makoto sighed softly to himself.

'Things were a lot simpler when we were younger, weren't they?'

'Mmn.'

Haru was losing interest; he tapped his fingers against the glove compartment in an attempt to try and cool his impulses. Sitting still was making him feel restless-

_Makoto... I know this is all part of you being romantic, but I'm not as expressive as you are. Can't we just cut to the part where we do each other in the back seat of the car? That is why we're here, isn't it?_

Makoto reached across the seat and kissed Haru. He'd probably intended it to be a soft kiss, but Haru took advantage of the fact that Makoto's lips had parted and leaned into the other man's body, flicking Makoto's tongue with his own, allowing the warm mass to glide around the inside of his partners mouth, tasting Makoto's saliva as it mingled with his own. Just as a spark of desire erupted in Haru's groin, Makoto pulled back and held Haru at arm's length.

'Haruka,' Makoto breathed-a light blush had appeared on his cheeks. 'I have... I have something important to ask you. Come out onto the car bonnet-I want to say it underneath the stars.'

'Can't it wait?' Haru moaned. 'Makoto, whatever it is... ask me later. I'm not in a position to talk with you right now.'

'Haru, please... Come outside with me. It won't take long: I promise it's important.'

'I don't want to go... it's cold out there! Makoto, can't you just ask me in here? Like, really quickly? Because I've already promised my body that you would fuck me...'

Makoto made a noise of annoyance.

'That's all you ever think about, isn't it?'

For the first time in a while, Haru heard sharpness in his voice.

'Haru... I can't believe that's what comes to mind when I was just about to... forget it.' He turned the keys in the ignition. 'Haru, put your seatbelt back on. I want to go home: right now.'

Makoto's 'outburst' shocked Haru so much that he didn't know how to react-he'd gotten used to being brushed aside by Rin, but never before had he been dismissed by _Makoto._ They had arguments occasionally, yes, but Makoto had always worded his problems gently- for him to express actual frustration made Haru realise he must have seriously upset him.

_Makoto is mad with me. Why? Did I do something wrong? _

Haru watched Makoto nervously from the passenger's seat. For around ten minutes, they drove in silence.

'Why are you mad with me?' Haru asked, timidly.

'I'm not mad with you.'

'You are-you're being very calm, but I can tell that inside you're really mad with me. Makoto, I don't understand... are you mad because you wanted to see the pool? That's why you're angry with me, isn't it?'

No response.

'Umn, you know... Makoto, I don't mind that you wanted to have sex on the front of the car instead of the inside-it's fun to do it in different places sometimes; I just don't think it would have been a very good idea to get naked in a public car park. And I don't understand why it had to be in front of that specific swimming pool, either... I'm just saying that I think you were being a little over-dramatic back there, is all.'

Obviously Haru had said something wrong again, because Makoto didn't respond to this, either.

'We have a lot of money.' Haru continued. 'Makoto, my money is yours, and not to brag but I earn a lot... we've been talking about buying an actual house together for a while, haven't we? Makoto, if you really like that pool then we can get a house with a patch of land and pay for someone to build an identical one for us. Then we can have sex by it every day, so there won't be any problems, right?'

'You really don't get it,' Makoto muttered. 'Haru, I don't like that pool because it's a nice bit of architecture-I like it because it's special to our relationship! But you don't see that at all... it's just an ordinary pool to you, isn't it?'

'Yes,' Haru replied blankly. 'Why wouldn't it be?'

'Forget about it.'

'Makoto, you brought it up and now you're telling me to forget about it-what's your problem?'

Makoto shook his head.

'Haru, I don't care about the pool... and I didn't want to take you to the front of the car just to have sex with you on the hood! I took you to where we first kissed because I thought it would be an appropriate place to... never mind. You don't understand... you don't understand anything...'

'No, I don't,' Haru huffed. 'And I'm starting to think I don't want to, either.'

The car pulled up in the apartment parking lot and Haru climbed out of the passengers seat, slamming the car door as hard as he could manage.

'I'm sleeping in the guest room,' he informed Makoto loudly.

Makoto rolled his eyes.

'Fine. If that's what you need, Haru.'

Then he picked up his bags, locked the car and went inside the apartment complex.

As he followed Makoto upstairs, Haru felt outraged-he'd expected Makoto to get down on his knees and beg Haru not to sleep on his own, to explain how sorry he was for getting worked up and that he'd hold Haru throughout whatever hurt he was feeling-but instead, Makoto had just said 'fine,' shrugged his shoulders and walked away.

_Whatever_. Haru thought to himself. _Do what you want, Makoto... this argument was all your fault, anyway. You're the one who got mad at me over a stupid swimming pool, and you'll be the one who sleeps alone tonight. I'll be perfectly fine by myself... I'm not dependant on you even slightly._

But in the guest bed, Haru's heart ached. He hadn't slept alone since university, and wasn't sure how to take the experience; he kept expecting to roll over into a warm, strong set of arms, but was instead met by a blank space of floor. The blankets didn't smell of Makoto, and nor did they cling to Haru in the same way: he wasn't able to sleep comfortably by himself. After two hours of tossing and turning, Haru got up and padded across the hallway toward his and Makoto's bedroom. He pushed open the door timidly and stood at the end of the bed, knotting his fingers.

'May I please pathetically crawl back into bed with you?' He asked, unsure if Makoto was awake.

'Password?' Makoto mumbled-apparently, he hadn't gotten any sleep, either.

Haru sighed.

'I'm sorry?'

'No.'

'I'm a jerk?'

'No.'

'You were right and I was wrong?'

'Almost but no.'

Another sigh. And then-

'I love you?'

'Haru,' Makoto giggled. 'Just get into bed with me.'

Haru climbed into bed with Makoto and wrapped his arms around his waist. The warmth of Makoto's body seemed to radiate through his pyjamas onto Haru, and in that moment, Haru wondered if he'd ever been so thankful for Makoto's closeness-if he'd ever been so appreciative of the other man's simple nearness.

_Makoto is all I've ever known... the two of us have been together since we were kids. I love him, but it's deeper than that... I need him. I've never experienced life without him. Would I really be able to cope if the two of us broke up? _

_I don't want to be alone..._

Haru closed his eyes and slept arm-in-arm with Makoto as they lay nose-to-nose, pressed together in the dark.

* * *

*****=GUESS who the two giraffes who alternate between fighting and mating symbolise, and why they bother Haru so much by being in the background when he's trying to have a serious conversation with Makoto-oh. So, _that's_ why they were there. ;)


	9. Lethargic Vanilla

**Luuka**: a new chapter 5 days after the last one- woah.

**-****IceCreamDestruction:** You're so sweet, thank you so much! Reviews like yours make me so happy because I feel like I'm ripping my dignity into shreds when I write this, so for you to say you look forward to updates makes me feel incredibly motivated!

**-****LoveKSB:** This story is so fun to write-does it show? I think I get carried away, especially with Haru. Sumimasen, because if I didn't ruin Haru before then I definitely have now and will continue to in the future.

Also, what does the KSB stand for in your name? I'm super curious. :)

**Warnings:** graphic sexual content

* * *

The best part of Sunday morning Haru spent lying in bed. When he woke up, there was a sticky note on his forehead:

'Going to a book signing, getting picked up by some friends from work. Back 6pm-6:30ish. Love you. xx'

_So Makoto's gone to a signing... huh._

Haru made the note into a paper aeroplane and threw it.

_We didn't resolve our argument from last night... I want to say that by going off now, Makoto is running away but the truth is that he told me about this book signing a while ago: he even wrote it on the calendar._

Not that Haru paid attention to their calendar: organisation wasn't an area where he exceled.

Rubbing his eyes, Haru stood. He dug his netbook out of his workbag, dragged it back to bed and then powered it up, yawning as he pulled up a blank webpage.

_I'm glad Makoto isn't here right now; it's not often he goes out without me, so this gives me a chance to do something for him-this is my chance to be more romantic._

At least that was what Haru had hoped, but he wasn't able to think of anything romantic to do: all of the things that he researched online seemed incredibly ridiculous or clichéd so, in the end, Haru decided to make diner. He found a recipe online and printed it, leaving to buy ingredients from the supermarket.

Haru hadn't cooked anything special in a while, but food preparation came naturally to him. In a way, it made him feel sort of nostalgic:

_Oh-that's right: I was the one who taught Makoto how to cook. How long ago was that again? Maybe four or five years back__..._

Teaching Makoto how to cook had been a slow but romantic process that had involved a surprising amount of cremated food, burnt fingertips and broken bowls ('Haruu, it was hottt!' 'Well, it did just come out of an oven') nevertheless, they were very fond memories to Haru; the prospect of allowing them to ebb away into his subconscious seemed to be terrifying to him.

_I have so much history with Makoto: the two of us have been together ever since we were kids__.__ I don't know if I could cope without him, and I can't afford to let his trust in me waver-t__hat's why I have to show him how much he means to me; that's why I want to make diner for him tonight. _

Haru set some candles on the table and draped some green fairy lights around the bookshelves, hoping that Makoto would appreciate the effect. He made Green curry-Makoto's favourite- with baked mushrooms, walnuts and potatoes, which he moved to the oven. Haru then turned on the central heating, dimmed the lights and waited for Makoto to get back.

Six 'o clock passed, and then seven and then eight... finally at nine, Makoto came back through the door.

'I called.' Haru frowned. 'Makoto, why're you home so late?'

'I'm sorry,' He replied. 'I was busy.'

_Déjà vu?_ Haru shivered. _Wait... Did he come back late on purpose to try and scare me, because I was late back from work most of last week?_ _Would Makoto really do that?_

Haru tugged off Makoto's coat and buried his head in the nape of his neck.

'I was worried...' he mumbled, smoothing his fingertips along Makoto's back. 'I was worried you wouldn't come home... Makoto, don't do that again. Don't disappear when I don't know where you are-don't say you'll come home early then come back late without telling me anything about where you are.'

'Then you understand,' Makoto mumbled. 'What it feels like to be worried about the person you love most; that's how I've been feeling five nights a week while I've been waiting in bed for you, Haru.'

Haru dropped his eyes guiltily.

'I'll be better in the future. How was the book signing?'

'Fine-it smells good in here. Have you been cooking?'

'Yeah. C'mon.'

Haru lead Makoto to the dining room and pulled up a chair. The room was warm, dim and sleepy; the table was illuminated by the soft glow of candles, and the corners of the room tinged slightly forest green from the lights.

'Haru... did you put Christmas tree lights up?'

'No... yes. I thought it would set the mood.' Haru fidgeted. 'It was stupid-'

'No... I really like this colour. You're right: it does look good in the room. So you can be romantic.' He smiled. 'Who'd have guessed?'

Haru frowned and looked to the carpet-he didn't think putting up lights was that much of a big deal, but Haru liked Makoto's praise so decided to just take the compliment. He moved away to get diner from the oven and settled down at the table, pouring two champagne mojitos.

'I wanted to do something better,' Haru tried. 'But I couldn't think of anything else. I know that me making diner isn't that special because we eat together every day, but still... I hoped it would make you happy.'

'Stay with me, Haru. Stay with me and be truthful to me-that's all I need you to do in this world to make me feel happy with you. Though I appreciate things like this now and again... Haru, your cooking is delicious! You'll give me desert too, won't you?'

'Desert? I made some strawberry... OH!'

_Oh-he means THAT kind of desert._

Haru smiled.

'I think I could give you some.'

'I'm a little tired... vanilla is okay, right?'

'Yes, vanilla! You can have as much as you want!'

Haru's body was easing and now that the tension had slipped away, he'd begun to feel more relaxed. Makoto picked up some chicken on his fork and leaned across to the table to put it in Haru's mouth.

'Last time we went out and I tried to feed you,' Makoto laughed. 'The food fell off the fork and I ended up staining your shirt. It was supposed to be romantic, but it was pretty embarrassing.'

'Yeah, it was-you couldn't stop apologising. Then you stood up to get a napkin and knocked over the wine bottle: I think the waiter got sick of us.'

A soft smile touched Haru's lips at the memory, and as he recalled one, others seemed to become more distinct-

'Um, Makoto... do you remember when we went to Hawaii together?'

'Hawaii?' Makoto's brow creased in thought. 'Hmm... it wasn't a very long vacation, but I do remember a few things. You bought me a button-up in the market.'

'Right, right, they had a really huge market! I bought a sleeveless button up for you because it had a whale embroiled on the pocket, and we swam with a whale earlier that day...'

Haru laughed to himself, delighted by the clarity of his memories.

_I remember that vacation. It was just after I first got promoted: Makoto and I went to Hawaii to celebrate. The water outside of our cabin was so clear... Makoto and I went swimming together, and then we decided to make love in the water. But Makoto stepped on a sea urchin so we spent the rest of the vacation in a clinic having the poison treated. There were only two days left at the end so we didn't get to do very much... I'm pretty sure I was grumpy at the time, but when I look back... we really did have fun together. _

'Makoto,' Haru said, happily. 'Let's go back to that island again some other time in the future, okay? And lots of other places, too-ones where they don't have urchin epidemics.'

Makoto flushed and looked to the floor. He stirred the champagne in his glass with a finger.

'You know...' he murmured. 'You haven't cooked in a while. Did you do all of this because of what happened last night?'

'Uh...'

'Can I take it that you feel guilty for what happened? Or is this because of something else? Haru... you haven't been acting like yourself right now. The two of us... we're okay, aren't we?'

'We're fine the way we are. I don't understand why you keep asking.'

_Makoto hasn't smiled very much since he got home. Is he tired? He said he was tired. All throughout dinner, he's had that same look-he looks as if he's trying to solve a complicated maths problem. What is it? What's playing on his mind? _

'Makoto, um... about the other night... what was it you wanted to ask me?'

'It doesn't matter.'

'Okay...' Haru swallowed. 'If you say so.'

_I feel like it was important, but what can I do? I don't want to cause another argument__._

'Haru... that reminds me. I bought you a present while I was out. You don't have to wear it if you don't want.'

Haru took a black gift bag from Makoto and reached inside of it. What he pulled out was a maids uniform: it was black and white-covered in bows-and probably more lacy than necessary. Also included in the bag was a pair of stockings, a headband with two ribbons and a lace choker with a small bell.

'Makoto... you got the wrong gift. This is a woman's outfit.'

'I know, but you're slender. Haru, I think it will fit you.'

_Size wasn't the problem I was drawing attention to, but okay. _

Makoto was watching with an amused smile as Haru turned the fabric over in his hands, biting his lip as he debated what to do with it.

A part of Haru was curious to see what he'd look like in the outfit; although he wasn't ever going to admit it aloud, he found the concept of wearing a girl's clothes while he took Makoto to be strangely erotic. All the same, he was a little shocked to have received something like this from _Makoto_-from Rin and Haru wouldn't have been at all surprised, but he'd never thought Makoto would be the type to buy him a _dress_.

Well, it did make sense in a way, Haru supposed-his sex life at present with Makoto was virtually non-existent. If one of them didn't make a move to try and heat things up, they were never going to thaw... Honestly, Haru himself had gotten tired of pretending to be aroused each night, or-even worse-thinking about Rin just to try and bring about his release whenever Makoto got him off.

_Did Makoto buy this because he knows I'm not satisfied with the state of our sex life right now? Or did he buy this because he's generally into kinky things but never mentioned it to me before? I don't think I can tell. Either way, I really want to wear this dress._

Haru tossed the dress over his shoulder.

'Wait for me in the bedroom,' he informed Makoto. 'I'm going in the bathroom to try it on.'

Once in the bathroom, Haru slipped out of his clothes and tosses his boxers aside, pulling the dress over his head.

The dress puffed out around the hips and was barley long enough to cover his crotch, unless he kept pulling it down. The sleeves were wide along the top and there was a large ribbon on the back-the dress made Haru feel a little awkward, but was actually quite comfortable to move around in. After applying all the accessories, Haru ran his fingers down the front and smoothed out the frills, admiring himself in the mirror.

_If I had long hair, I'd look like an actual girl-this is really a little worrying. _

_But a hot girl... hmm. Not bad... not that bad at all..._

Haru opened the bedroom door and leaned in the doorway with a hand on his hip.

'Makoto: tell me I'm pretty.'

Makoto laughed.

'You look beautiful, Haru.'

'Damn straight-I'm fucking gorgeous.'

Makoto had undressed and was sitting on the bed with his legs apart-Haru had to appreciate the angle. He crawled across the sheets to Makoto's lap, reached up and bit him on the ear-one of Makoto's hands reached under Haru's dress and felt around the smooth curve of his ass, squeezing the soft flesh appreciatively. As they exchanged kisses, Makoto nibbled the tender skin on the base of Haru's neck. One of his hands held Haru's atop the sheets, whilst the other moved up and down-massaging Haru's thighs-before finding its way in-between...

'Oh... that was a bit adventurous.'

Makoto smiled into their kiss.

'But you don't seem to mind it that much. Haru... don't stop...'

_Makoto is keen tonight: it's difficult for me not to go with the flow. Even though I'm wearing a dress, I'm still a dominant male... I think._

Haru leaned back against the sheets as Makoto positioned himself between his legs. He pulled away one of Haru's stocking and kissed the palm of his foot before slipping some of Haru's toes into his mouth and sucking them.

Haru giggled at the feeling-Makoto's tongue was so light that it tickled, and he hadn't expected himself to be touched in such a strange place. Accidently, he kicked Makoto in the nose and Makoto bit his ankle before climbing up to his neck and nuzzling himself against the curves of Haru's shoulder.

'Haru... cum inside of me. I want you to be a part of my body. I want to make love to you... my Haru...'

'Mmn... yes... Makoto, yes...'

Makoto moved back down and buried his head inside of Haru's dress-Haru moaned and panted as he felt Makoto's tongue twirl around the head of his member, feeling as if he could come undone in the heat of Makoto's mouth. He wanted to buck his groin but Makoto's hands were firm on his skin as they grasped his pelvis, holding him down against the bed. Makoto crawled back up and pressed their bodes together, holding them close as Haru raked his fingers through Makoto's firm back and hair.

Haru rocked against Makoto lightly, feeling warm and satisfied. He was tender and his nerves felt calm... it was a warm, sleepy and comfortable sensation, disturbed only by the faint surge of desire that was swirling around somewhere in his groin. Haru could have happily fallen asleep here: the prospect of getting laid seemed suddenly _exhausting._ Haru drew circles around Makoto's nipples with his tongue, plucking the tips with his fingers and grinding the bumps gently between the palms of his hands. As he pushed Makoto onto fours and climbed over him, Haru was stuck with a sudden sense of familiarity-

_Wait... I'm touching Makoto in the same way that Rin touches me. I'm emulating what Rin does to me-I didn't even notice it until now. Oh, well: so far so good, I suppose._

_How would Makoto react if I slapped his skin? Probably not well... never know until you try, I guess._

Experimentally, Haru pushed Makoto down on the bed, drew back a hand and slapped his ass. A pink handprint appeared on the skin and Makoto moaned softly, burying his head into the pillows.

_He's not complaining-I think he liked it. _

'Baby, you okay?'

'H-Haru... I need you...'

Haru's body shook violently as he fumbled through the bedside drawer, throwing anything that wasn't a condom or lube several meters across the room in annoyance. Getting topped by Makoto wasn't a very arousing experience, but when _he_ was the one in command... well, that was a different story. The heat of Haru's body, ache of desire and restrictions of how much he could move from the dress were all incredibly irritating to him; Haru ripped open a condom packet with his teeth and slipped it over his member, coating it with lube before thrusting into Makoto. Makoto moaned and called out Haru's name as Haru gripped his shoulders, pushing himself deeper in.

As Haru pushed into Makoto, Makoto made slow and soft sighs. His body quivered sensitively as Haru picked up a steady pace, panting in an attempt to slow himself down as his length hardened around Makoto's sensitive inside. Makoto's cheeks were pink and his eyes were half closed, lips slightly parted as he moaned for Haru-Haru was finding the dress annoying at this point, and tugged it up to his waist to prevent it from ripping as he moved. Harder and harder, faster and faster... Haru alternated between rubbing the tip of Makoto's member and smoothing his hand up and down the shaft and his hips slapped against Makoto's ass.

'Haru,' Makoto moaned. 'I can't hold it in. Tell me that it's okay... I can't... I can't...'

Haru tossed back his head as a tingling sensation flooded his body-the heat and tightness of Makoto's passage had seemed to suddenly multiply and Haru's breath hitched, sharpness shooting through his senses. The pleasure Haru felt as he climaxed was overwhelming and shuddering, he pulled back from Makoto's body, the tip of his member quivering from his release. Makoto was breathing steadily and the white liquid plastered all over his chest implied that he must have gotten off around the same time as Haru.

Haru felt as if he was on the verge of passing out; topping always drained him so wasn't his preferred position, but if he stimulated himself enough then he could enjoy it-he _was_ a man, after all... even if he was wearing a dress.

Haru peeled the other stocking from his leg and tore the maids dress over his head as if shedding a second skin; the way the lace clung made him feel unpleasant, and the black fabric had become soaked with his sweat, practically _wet_ around the arms and chest. The headband with the miniature bows was somewhere on the floor: Haru supposed the annoying thing had come off on its own with all the movement he'd been doing. He lay down against Makoto's chest, craving comfort and feeling exhausted.

_Tomorrow is Monday... that means I have to go to work. And work means I'll see Rin..._

Haru both wanted to see Rin, and didn't want to see him... if both of those could be possible. He shut his eyes and nuzzled against Makoto's shoulder, wondering how to deal with his own situation.

_I love Makoto but I love Rin, too... What's the easiest way to solve this problem? _

Haru thought about that for a moment.

'_Makoto, how would you feel about entering into a threesome?'_

_No... there's no way Makoto would be on board with that. I don't think Rin would be up for it, either... but still, it's a nice daydream. _

Haru let his imagination wander on that for a while. Makoto rolled over in the bed and stroked Haru's cheek.

'Haru... what are you thinking about?'

_Being sandwiched in the middle of you and my co-worker. What about you, baby?_

'Nothing much. Work stuff.'

'At a time like this?' Makoto hummed. 'You're so focused on your work, Haru: I bet everyone on your team admires you so much.'

Haru decided to let Makoto have that one. Makoto drew circles in the bedsheets.

'Haru... I'm really happy like this, but...'

He brushed Haru's hair behind his ears.

'I get the feeling you're not happy.'

'Why would you say something like that?'

'We've never talked much about how we feel, Haru. I guess that's just your personality, but... I really do want you to be comfortable around me.'

'I am comfortable around you.'

'Truthfully?'

'Yes-more comfortable than anyone else. Why do you doubt me?' His fingers curled around Makoto's wrist. 'Makoto, what is it? Why are you being so distant?'

'Haru, you're gripping a little too hard.'

Makoto smiled, but it was a smile that was followed by a sigh, and Haru's heart seemed to mourn at the sound. He leaned up and nuzzled affectionately against Makoto's cheek.

'It isn't your fault, Haru-I just have this... well, something's telling me... anyway, it doesn't matter. It's nothing.' He gave Haru a small kiss on the forehead. 'I miss you so much when you're not with me, and I suppose that makes me irrational sometimes: but I've always felt that way when it comes to you. Do you remember the first time I confessed?'

'Confessed?'

Haru thought back a while-the word stirred memories in his head-memories he hadn't revisited for some time.

When Haru had been seventeen years old, he'd been a part of his school's swimming team and he and Makoto had stayed together in the pool one late, hot, summers night in June to practice for an upcoming tournament. He remembered the hazy blush of floodlights, the chirp of cicadas... he remembered the green of the chain link fence, the vibrant stripe on his swim pants as he pulled them on, and the droplets of water caught in Makoto's hair. Haru had been swimming-trying to improve his time-whilst Makoto watched him by the edge of the pool and they talked happily about pointless, trivial things. Then Makoto had blurted out: 'I love you,' and both boys had received their first kiss in the water. Haru remembered feeling more than a little surprised.

Everything after that was hazy. Haru remembered feeling nervous-more nervous than he'd felt before-as he watched the sun on the horizon and he and Makoto bought ice cream from a convenience store nearby, hand in hand as they walked back to his place. He remembered steam and hot water as they showered together in Haru's tiny, cramped bathtub, with barley enough room for the both of them to stand. He remembered the feeling as Makoto's body pressed against his, both of them hot, wet and nervous as they experienced their first time. It would be clumsy and awkward-and actually a little painful-but at the same time, it had been perfect.

'Yes-I remember.'

Makoto propped his head in his hands on the pillow.

'Haru, when I was seventeen and I first told you that I loved you, you look so surprised to hear it: I still remember your expression. At the time, I thought: 'how could he have not noticed how I feel about him until now?' Even though you accepted my feelings, the fact that you didn't realise them until I actually told you still hurt me a little.'

'I don't pay enough attention to you.' Haru realised. 'I took you for guaranteed-even back then. That's what you're trying to say, isn't it?'

'No-that isn't the problem.'

Makoto lay back against the sheets.

'In fact, there isn't a problem: everything is perfect for me right now. Haru, I've been happy with you for eight years and when June comes, it'll be nine. You're everything I could ever want, and I really think I want to be with you for the rest of my life so I need to know if you're happy, too-I need to know if you want this as much as I do. Maybe it's just paranoia, but I have this creeping feeling that something isn't right with us, so please tell me this is what you want-it's very important that I know.'

'Why are you asking all of this now? Will something be different after our relationship hits nine years?'

'I don't know,' Makoto smiled. 'Will it?'

_Makoto..._ Haru swallowed. _The thing you wanted to ask me the other night... Please tell me that it wasn't... please tell me you weren't planning to-_

'Haru.' Makoto nuzzled Haru's hair. 'Darling, I'm stickyyy... Come and have a bath with me.'

Haru shook his head from side to side, prising Makoto's hands from his waist.

'Makoto, I... I need to go to sleep. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow: it's already late as it is.'

'Work again?' Makoto grumbled. 'Mmn, fine... G'night, Haru.'

Makoto snaked his arms around Haru's waist and rested his head against his shoulder. Haru lay still for several minutes with Makoto's head against his collarbone.

Haru waited until Makoto had settled before crawling out of his arms and pulling his knees to his chest in the corner of the bed, wanting to be completely alone, and feeling slightly sickened with himself.


	10. Difficulty Coated With sex Appeal

**Luuka:** I'm doing so well for updates! I feel like people are getting sick of me. (laughs)

**-LoveKSB:** Please do not remind me that I have God privileges over this story, because I will go power crazy and turn the whole thing into Rin propaganda. :D

**-Yosuzume:** I see Makoto as quite sadistic, too (thus the maids dress) but I think he controls it! I like to think that Makoto holds back around Haru because he's scared of pushing him away, which has created a misunderstanding; Makoto worries about scaring Haru away so he tries to be gentle, when the whole reason Haru started messing around with Rin was because he wasn't getting the excitement from Makoto, but now he's fallen in love: it's a really sticky situation. Makoto remains quite ambiguous, doesn't he?

For how annoying he is, I find businessHaru really cute, too-I think that's a lot of his appeal! :D

* * *

Haru managed to avoid Rin during the first part of work on Monday morning, but he knew that his luck wouldn't last forever. At the start of lunch, Haru resigned himself to his office where he spent the first five minutes with his legs up on the desk, watching a yaoi anime on his PC and eating a packet of fruit pastilles. Almost as if he hadn't expected it, the door to his office opened-

'Where's your report?'

'Oh, hi, Haru.' Haru mumbled to himself. 'How was your weekend? Good thanks, Rin. How is your family? Disowned you? That's too bad...'

'Cut the crap.' Rin looked down at Haru's PC monitor. 'Haru, what are you doing?'

'Anime catch-up.'

'I see that, but where's your statistical repot? You do know it's due tonight?'

Haru pointed to the 'OUT' tray on his desk, keeping his eyes on his PC screen. Rin walked over to the tray and picked up a single sheet of paper, skimming it over briefly.

'Mediocre.' He concluded. 'Haru, this is completely standard; you're never going to attract high value sales with this! Would it really be that difficult for you to add some statistics and print a new copy?'

'It really would.'

'It wouldn't,' Rin snapped. 'The problem is that you're just lazy. And I can't believe you're eating junk food at this time of morning: Haru, are you aware that it can lower your concentration levels by up to thirty percent? Plus it's going to ruin your body-'

'Go away, Rin,' Haru exhaled. 'Are you my dieting instructor now as well as my keeper? You really need to get yourself a hobby. Surely coming in here and lecturing me all the time can't be that interesting for you.'

Rin frowned and put down Haru's report.

'FYI,' he said, coolly. 'I'm here because you agreed to take me out on a date. Last Friday you promised to take me out for drinks during Monday lunchtime-sounding familiar?'

_Oh, crap-I did say I would do that._

'That doesn't sound like something I would say,' Haru mumbled.

Rin made a noise of disbelief.

'Are you seriously going to try and wriggle out of this now? Haru, I can't believe you... after everything you said to me on Friday, are you seriously going to pretend-'

'Alright, alright,' Haru heaved a sigh. 'Don't get mad. I was joking.' He pecked Rin fondly on the cheek. 'I wouldn't ever forget about you, Rin.'

'You liar-you completely blanked it.'

'Okay, fine, so maybe I did... but give me a break, okay? I'll make it up to you-come on.'

Haru took Rin by the fingertips and led him away from the office. Halfway down the hall, Rin stopped Haru suddenly-

'Haru?'

'What?'

'How _was_ your weekend?'

Haru gritted his teeth.

'Just don't ask.' He muttered.

* * *

Haru felt a little strange as he led Rin down Iwatobi's stairs; on Sunday night, Haru had told himself that he'd stop messing around with Rin for good, but less than three days before, he'd also promised Rin to take him out on a date and give their relationship a chance: he couldn't exactly take back that offer now.

_Just when I think I've laid down steady foundations with Makoto, Rin ploughs through them and everything comes crashing down... I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I feel like a leaf in the wind._

Haru and Rin had fifty minutes of lunch, but they'd also both extended their free time under the excuse of 'company research' to go into the town during office hours: this was a nice perk of being the joint managers of a division, but not one that Haru could abuse without Rin's permission... to his dissatisfaction. Still, Haru was surprised that Rin had agreed to come with him during work time in the first place-being the workaholic he was, and all.

As they made their way to the staff car park, Rin being Rin had explained to Haru that he'd completed extra work over the weekend to make up for the time he'd lose during his and Haru's 'date.' Haru being Haru had replied that he'd done nothing over the weekend other than having sex with his boyfriend in a maids dress... although for obvious reasons, Haru didn't include that last part: he thought it would probably damage the chances of any romance between him and Rin.

'Haru,' Rin laughed, as they stopped before his car. 'Someone left a tin can in your parking space.'

The 'tin can' Rin referred to was Haru's car; Haru bit down on his lip hard, resisting the urge to kick Rin hard in the leg. Admittedly, his car was quite beat up-the licence plate was practically hanging and the bumper stuck up a little-but it was still driveable... at least, by off-road standards, anyway.

'It only looks bad because it has a sports car parked next to it,' Haru replied, patiently. 'It's actually a really good car. I bought it when I was nineteen because it was blue with a white stripe... it reminded me of a dolphin.'

'Because everyone knows that dolphins have headlights and are made out of metal.'

_Rin, I'm this close to shutting your head in my car door-_

'It's a good car.' Haru repeated. 'And reliable, too. I bet it's a lot better than that obnoxious sports car next to it-the owner should just get over themselves.'

'You mean the red sports car?'

'Yeah.'

'That would be_ my_ car.'

Haru rolled his eyes.

'Oh, _of course_.'

_Of course_ Rin owned a sports car-how could Haru have not anticipated that? _Of course_ Rin had to own the biggest, brightest and most expensive car in a twenty mile proximity-

'I don't like sports cars.' Haru announced. 'They look too much like you're trying to compensate for something.'

'Haru,' Rin laughed. 'You of all people should know that I'm really not. But if that's really what they imply, maybe _you_ should go out and buy one-'

'Get in my car,' Haru growled. 'Before you end up underneath it, Rin.'

'Okay, okay-I'm getting in. Haru, are you mad at me?'

'Go fuck yourself.'

'Touchy touchy.'

'Get eaten by a shark.'

'You love me really.'

_Rin- I really think I do. And you've no idea how much I hate myself for that._

* * *

After parking in the centre of the city, Haru had taken Rin's hand and walked around the streets to find a place where they could eat, allowing Rin the privilege of choosing where they went. Haru had half expected Rin to drag him to the gaudiest restaurant he could find, or some expensive foreign establishment that served rare and unheard of food, but instead, Rin had chosen a café.

'It's honest.' He'd said, with a shrug. 'And besides: it's a much less stiff and formal. I feel like we get enough of that at work.'

The two of them had ordered potato salad with pork, spring rolls and a pot of tea between them. They'd also decided to sit outside: it was a bright afternoon, and the fact that two suited men had entered a café together had turned more than a few heads inside.

As they sat together with their food, Haru stared off into the distance and made twang noises with his fork, absently.

_Yesterday, I cooked dinner for Makoto and now I'm eating dinner with Rin. This situation is so surreal..._

'Rude.' Rin said, sulkily.

'What was that?'

'You-you're being rude. You've invited me out on a date and you're not even trying to entertain me... you're just sitting there with your head in your hands.' Rin pouted. 'I'm taking offense.'

Rin looked attractive when he pouted: his sharp eyes narrowed into thin slits, and his cheeks puffed slightly so that his lips made an 'O.' Sitting across the table with sunlight streaming onto him, to Haru he looked more than kissable.

As Haru looked across to Rin, he was struck with the sudden realisation that-despite all the times they'd had sex-he'd never really observed Rin properly from up close. Rin's eyes were gorgeous: they were sharp and compelling- like a red sea that had frozen over- slightly indented so that they gave him a permanently bored or contemptuous look whenever he wasn't smiling. There were smooth bumps in Rin's suit where the fabric had been fitted around his muscles: he was very attractive, and the thought made Haru suddenly feel very self-conscious.

'Hey, Rin... why do you like me?'

Rin shrugged.

'There are several reasons. You're high maintenance, but I like that-I like being around you. I like that you snap back at me, and you're lots of fun-plus you have an _amazing _body: it was built for fucking. Your lower legs and waist are completely perfect-and hey: your face isn't half bad, either.'

'_Isn't half bad...' Rin, you're asking me to punch you._

'And you're not stupid,' Rin continued, with a smile. 'You have a lot of untapped potential, but you never do anything with it. I wonder... Haru, could it be that you hold yourself back at work because you're actually self-conscious?'

_Nope: sorry, but I'm just lazy._

Haru decided to change the subject:

'Do you want to get a room after work?'

'No-we can go back to my place. In exchange, next time you can take me to yours.'

'No,' Haru said instantly. 'That's impossible.'

'Why?'

_Because Makoto is there-_

'Because... because...' Haru racked his brain for a lie. 'I still live with my parents. They don't know that I'm into other men yet.'

'Still haven't told them?'

'Nope. What about you?'

Rin frowned and looked away into the distance.

'It's just my Mum.' He said, stiffly. 'Me, my Mother and my sister-my Dad passed away when I was small. I've had boyfriends and girlfriends since about fourteen, so my Mum knows I like guys-she doesn't really care. I went to boarding school when I was a teenager and university after that; I have my own place now so I don't see her that much. The only reason I stayed at home in the first place was to watch out for my kid sister.'

Rin flicked half of a spring roll on the floor, where a cluster of pigeons begun to squabble over it.

'Do you get on with your parents?'

'I do.'

'I bet- I bet you're your Mother's little golden boy, huh? Always winning awards and making her proud-I bet little Haru is the apple of her eye.'

'You make that sound like a bad thing.'

'I don't particularly care either way.'

Haru had been making up the conversation as he'd went along: he'd neither grown up with his parents nor seen them in several years due to the fact that they worked abroad, but one lie had led to another and he'd been pulled along on a drift.

'Why are you asking me all of these personal questions?'

'Because I want to get to know you. That's what humans are supposed to do, right? After they fuck each other a certain amount of times, they have to be nice to each other-they have to learn more about the other person.'

'They don't_ have_ to.'

'Well, I want to. I want to know more about you, Haru-we don't talk about ourselves to each other. It makes me feel like outside of work and sex, I don't mean anything to you at all... it's not a very nice feeling.'

Haru's stomach knotted uncomfortably.

_That's right: I didn't think about Rin's feelings. I thought that he only wanted casual sex, but last week Rin said he wanted more... _

_But what about me? What do I want?_

_I love Rin- I know that much is true. The new question is: do I love him more than Makoto? Right now, I honestly don't know... I've spent eight years with Makoto, and I can't just throw all that away... even if Rin is more fun to be with. I don't know if this is a phase, or something sexual: I really can't say right now. That's why I need more time to consider: I want to make the right choice._

'You do mean something to me, Rin,' Haru told him, honestly. 'I just don't know _what_ that is yet, and that's why I'm not jumping to conclusions or pushing anything-I want to know for sure before I make a commitment. And anyway,' he laughed dismissively. 'Tell me more about your motives. Your contract with Iwatobi only lasts for one year... are you going to review it in November?'

'Hell no-you think I want to stay there? Iwatobi is just a stepping stone for me-being the joint head of marketing sales really isn't enough. Haru, I'm thinking about something bigger... it's my ambition to become a CEO before I'm thirty.'

Haru choked into his tea.

'I'm not joking.' Rin gave Haru a stony glare. 'I'm well aware that it's a big aspiration, but I know I can do it if I put the work in. I'm surprised you're not insistent on going further; not for nothing, but you're quite impressive yourself. You shouldn't limit yourself to this tiny city when you could fly higher if you wanted to, Haru.'

Haru shrugged.

'I used to be enthusiastic, but then I thought: 'what's the point?' If you're in a comfortable position, why decide to shift about? I like my job: I studied hard to get it and I work hard to keep it-it's a good system. I'm not like you.' Haru gave a weak smile. 'I'm not aspiring to take over the world.'

Rin stood up suddenly, climbed on top of his chair and set a leg atop the table with a hand on his hip. He made a sudden sweeping gesture with the other, causing a flock of pigeons that had been innocently picking at the spring roll by his feet to take off frantically, flapping away down the street.

'World domination,' Rin declared loudly, with a serious expression. 'The world is mine for the taking-from this day forward, planet earth belongs to me!'

'Get down!' Haru burst out laughing. He buried his head in his hands and moaned.

'Riiiin, sit down, right now, PLEASE! I will honestly never speak to you again if you don't sit down in the next two seconds-Rin, this is a public _street_!'

Rin grinned playfully and slid back down into his chair.

'Oh, come on.' He laughed to himself. 'Haru, you need to loosen up. You've been so stiff and serious during this whole conversation-aren't you happy to be with me? Isn't this the hardest you've ever laughed in a while?'

'Yes, no... maybe, shut up!' Haru tossed a spoon at Rin and buried his head in his hands again. 'Rin, I seriously can't believe you-I'm never taking you anywhere again!'

Haru's heart had begun to race and his face had turned pink: he really wasn't sure how to react or what to say back. Rin was charming-undeniably so-and he made Haru feel giddy, like a fourteen year girl old with a crush. He buried his head deeper in his arms, wanting to melt through the surface of the table.

'You're such an idiot!' Haru breathed, not sure if he was talking to himself or Rin. Rin laughed again.

'You know you love it. You know you love _me_: go out with me, Haru.'

Haru kept his head in his arms.

'Rin...' he mumbled. 'I know this isn't fair on you, but even if we do go out... I can't promise you that it will last. I can't promise you that we're compatible, or that there isn't someone better for both me and you... I just don't know where it would lead us. That's why I can't...'

'Then we just have to give it a try.' Rin reached across the table and grabbed Haru's hand. 'Haru, to say that you're: 'not sure,' when I fuck you literally every working day is ridiculous by anyone's standards. I'm not asking to hear: 'I love you-' we're far away from saying that yet. I'm just asking you to commit yourself to me-and only me- while we see if we can get there. No one at work has to know, and I know that deep down you understand how you feel: I know that deep down, you understand how I _make_ you feel. So, what do you say?'

Haru squeezed his eyes shut.

'Alright,' he breathed, not sure if he'd regret the words later. 'Rin, if that's what you want-the two of us can go out.'


	11. I Know

**Luuka:** Happy easter, everylovely. Haru is back to ruin your holiday with his overly-promiscuous nature.

**-Shane**: Haru is getting annoying, isn't he? What goes around will come around... maybe. Anyway, just think of it like this: the more nails Haru puts in his own coffin, the better the tension will be later on. And the more sex scenes luuka can write. Oops.

**Warnings:** graphic sexual content

* * *

After work, Haru returned to his apartment, ate dinner quickly and changed out of his work clothes into a button-up and jeans.

'Umn, Makoto...'

Haru approached Makoto tentatively: Makoto was washing up in the sink with his back toward Haru so that Haru couldn't see his face.

'I, um... I need to go back to work tonight. They need some extra hands at the office, and you know how it is... I'm the only one who can help them. So, sorry.'

Makoto shook his head.

'Not even surprised.'

Haru looked up from the doorway and frowned.

'Makoto, I need to go back. If someone's asked me, I can't help it-'

'Of course not. Lock the door when you get back.'

So, that was it, Haru supposed: his cue to get out before he made things any worse. Not that leaving things the way they were would have made their relationship any better, but still, Haru didn't feel like there was a lot he could have done to improve their situation.

He felt guilty as he got into his car, copied Rin's addressee from a text into his satnav and drove away, but tried not to think about it. Haru supposed the feeling would pass within the first ten minutes of driving, but it didn't-if anything, it got worse.

_What the hell was Makoto's problem? Sure, I'm having an affair with my co-worker, but he doesn't know that... at least, I don't think he's caught on yet, anyway._

Haru stopped at a supermarket on the way, because he figured that if he was visiting Rin's house for the first time then he should buy Rin a present out of formality.

Even though this was what he'd thought, Haru didn't have a clue just _what_ he was supposed to get Rin; Haru spent ten minutes prowling around the supermarket, looking at all the different merchandise and contemplating what to get.

_Ah: dog muzzles and leads. These would be perfect for Rin._

In the end, Haru settled for a bottle of cherry wine because the red-blackcurrant colour reminded him of Rin's hair. He also got bought some milk chocolate for Makoto, because-although he tried very hard to ignore it-Haru did feel guilty for what he was about to do. Oh, well: he hoped that tonight Rin would pin him down and fuck away the feeling, and then Haru would smooth things with Makoto over in the morning... Yes. He'd sort everything out then.

* * *

'Aww, Haru, you didn't have to get me anything.'

It was nine o' clock when Haru made it to Rin's door, and stood shuffling awkwardly on the front step. Rin was still in his work suit when he answered: Haru had to wonder if he ever wore anything else-he'd never seen Rin in his casual clothes before. He squared his shoulders noncommittally after passing over the wine.

'Don't think too much of yourself-I just wanted to get rid of it. That bottle has been lying around in my cupboard for months, and no one else wanted to take it, so...'

'You're a bad liar, Haru.' Rin laughed softly. 'It's so shiny and obviously new-you bought it today, didn't you? Thank you, anyway.' He kissed Haru on the cheek. 'Come in-we can have some of it now.'

Compared to Haru and Makoto's apartment, Rin's house was ultra-modern; the outside was some black and white blocky shape that looked like it had been made in tetris, and the inside was small but comfortable. The living room came immediately after the porch; a sofa and glass coffee table had sunken into the middle of the floor, and the plasma-screen television appeared to have been built into the wall. There was a shelf with maybe twenty different books, and a few framed awards on the wall by the stairs: Haru didn't care enough to read what they were for.

_Rin's place is so new and clean: Makoto would love it here. He's always telling me that it's a federal offence to leave cups and shoes lying around everywhere-he doesn't speak to me sometimes if I forget to put my washing in the basket. Rin seems like a neat freak, too... no-that's not the right phrase. Rin is a perfectionist: in every aspect of the word._

'Go ahead and sit down,' Rin called, to him. 'I'll get some glasses and a bottle opener from the kitchen.'

Haru dropped onto the sofa and played with his hands. There was a demin jacket draped over the sofa's arm with a hem studded with rhinestones; Haru picked it up and examined it closer.

_This piece of clothing... it belongs to a female. Either Rin has some really weird hobby that I don't know about, or he's cheating on me with a woman..._

Haru clenched his fists around the fabric.

_Wait... what does it matter if Rin's messing around? After all, I'm sleeping with two people at the same time, as well... _

Strange... so why did the thought of Rin being with someone else make Haru feel so angry? He set the jacket back down, deciding to press Rin on it later. Rin came back into the room and poured two glasses of wine.

'We'll have a drink and talk for a few minutes, and then I'll take you upstairs,' Rin told Haru, as he handed him a glass. 'I can't drink too much tonight-I have work in the morning. So do you.'

'Don't remind me,' Haru mumbled. Haru had come over to Rin's house to 'sleep,' but didn't actually plan to do any sleeping. At the moment, he was taking the evening as it came: Haru seriously had no idea how he'd manage to have sex with Rin and then slip home to Makoto unnoticed, and neither did he have a backup story to tell Rin during the next morning at work that would explain why he'd disappeared.

_Makoto... Makoto thinks I'm at work..._

Haru swallowed thickly. Suddenly, he didn't feel so good: he felt uneasy and for some reason, he was incredibly nervous, as if there were a cluster of butterflies flapping around on the inside of his stomach. Rin put an arm around him on the sofa.

'Baby, what's wrong? Don't like the wine?'

'Cherry isn't really my thing.'

'Is that so?' Rin laughed. 'Then you should have said something. Maybe you just need something sweeter to help you relax...'

Rin dipped his head and moved in for a kiss, but Haru gripped the front of his suit and pushed him back, forcefully-

'Woah, woah, woah. What was _that _for?'

'I'm sorry.' Haru mumbled, not sure _why_ he'd pushed Rin back-his body had moved on it's own. 'I-it must have been the wine... it got to me.'

'Half a glass 'got to you?' Haru... what is it? What's wrong?'

'Nothing: I'm just not so good with drinking, that's all. Rin... can we skip the wine and talking? I really want to feel you right now... '

_Quickly, quickly... before I have second thoughts..._

_I need you to take all the guilt away from me..._

'You're not one for small talk, are you?' Rin laughed. 'But that's fine with me. That's just the way I like you, Haru...'

Haru spent two full minutes kissing Rin on the lips until Rin pulled back and stood before him, stripping off all of his clothes. First came his tie which spiralled to the floor, before Rin's suit fell down on top of it. Then came Rin's shoes, socks, pants and his polo shirt... last of all came Rin's underwear, which he swung around on his fingers and threw at Haru. Haru watched the strip show from the sofa.

Rin stood before him completely naked and set a hand on his hip.

'Haru, you have to actually take off your clothes-they don't suddenly come off on their own.'

'Shouldn't we go upstairs?'

'We could,' Rin leaned in closer toward him. 'Or I could have you over the side of the coffee table.'

'_Oh_...'

'Haru, hurry up and strip!'

Haru did as he was told: this was one of Rin's orders that he didn't mind obeying. His clothes came off a little less gracefully than Rin's, but Haru didn't really care as long as the end result was him being naked. Rin crouched down between Haru's legs and licked the tip of his member, brushing his lips over the head.

'A lot has come out already, huh?' He ran a finger up and down Haru's shaft, lazily. 'It's so easy to make you wet, Haru: I bet I could make you cum without touching. Unfortunately,' he grinned. 'That's not what I want to do tonight. I have something else planned... I think you're going to like it.'

Haru's clear, blue eyes watched Rin carefully as he took Haru's length into his mouth and sucked. Whilst his lips caressed Haru's head, Rin's hands trailed over the bumps on Haru's stomach muscles, dragging his nails along Haru's ribs and waistline. As Rin's hands moved, he left behind faint scratches: Haru's eyelids fluttered as the faint waves of pain and lust that were shooting through his body, became entwined into one overwhelming sensation.

_The harder Rin sucks, the deeper he digs in his nails... this guy: he's such a sadist. But then what does that make me for actually liking it? _

Haru felt his movements become friskier: his hips had started to move on his own and he felt hot- too hot to be in sync with the steady beat of pleasure that he'd received when Rin sucked him. He was spiralling out of control...

'I can't... I can't...'

Rin rose up to kiss and bite Haru's neck, leaving pink-red suck marks all over his skin as Haru's hands grasped at Rin's back and hair. Then Rin moved down again, caressing the soft, slick skin of Haru's member before taking the entire length into his mouth. Haru gasped and called Rin's name as he gripped the arms of the sofa for support, before Rin pulled back, climbed up, and walked away into a different room.

Haru felt slightly confused at this point: he was slumped completely naked on Rin's sofa- three-quarters of the way to his orgasm-when Rin had just gotten up and walked away, as if he'd suddenly remembered that he'd left the oven on. Haru bit his lip and begun swinging his hips: it was taking every ounce of restraint in his body to prevent himself from taking his length into his hand and finishing off the job alone. After about three minutes, Rin came back into the room.

'Forgot the condom,' Rin breathed. 'That was annoying, wasn't it?'

'Did you do that on purpose?' Haru accused.

'Of course not.' Rin made a show of being very offended. 'I'd never keep you waiting, Haru,' he whispered, pulling on Haru's earlobe with his teeth.

'R-Rin, I want you. Immediately.'

'Ssh.' Rin placed a finger atop of Haru's lips. 'Sweetheart, patience is a virtue.'

'I fucking hate you, Rin! I swear, if you don't get inside of me within the next ten seconds, then I'm going to punch you so hard-'

'_Haru_,' Rin kissed Haru on the chin. 'Aren't you misunderstanding something? You're not the one who's going to get done tonight... at least, not right away, anyway. I said I'd give you something and I will: Haru, tonight you can have _me._'

Before Haru could respond, Rin slipped a condom over his member and climbed on top of Haru's lap. Rin hadn't had any preparation, but settled quickly on top of Haru-Haru moaned at the feeling.

'R-Rin...' Haru called. 'Oh! You're tight...'

'Heh.' Rin ground his teeth. 'Of course. People don't usually come in here, Haru.'

'I'm privileged...'

'Yes...'

Rin was tight: incredibly so, and Haru actually found it a little painful to fit his foreskin inside of Rin at first. Haru wouldn't have gone as far as to say that Rin was a virgin where bottom roles of anal sex were concerned-he seemed like the type to try everything-but it seemed safe to say that Rin hadn't been entered in a while. Rin's inside felt incredibly hot, and the way his muscles squeezed Haru's shaft made Haru moan aloud; Rin set his hands around Haru's neck and buried his head in his shoulder, breathing heavily.

Haru decided to start gently: whilst every cell in his body was telling him to push Rin down onto the sofa and make him moan like the way Rin did to him, the stronger part of Haru didn't want to get carried away if it would result in Rin feeling unpleasant, so he rocked Rin steadily in his arms, encouraging Rin to move his hips in a way that would both pleasure himself and provide Rin with enough time to adjust. Rin did this for about half a minute until he decided that he was bored and set his hands on Haru's thighs, moving up and down by himself, running his tongue over his lips flirtatiously as he moved, determined to keep eye contact with Haru.

Although he obviously didn't have a lot of experience with riding, Rin definitely made up for it in enthusiasm, and if he was in pain, he wasn't letting it show. His eyelids fluttered and his breath hitched as strands of his red hair bounced up and down, falling over his face as he moved. Rin had bitten his lip, but Haru was moaning enough for the both of them: even when Haru was in a position of control, Rin still managed to overwhelm him. Haru was starting to think that Rin _couldn't_ be dominated.

'Does it... feel good for you... Haru?' Rin breathed, as he continued to ride him. 'Haru... what I'm doing... for you... now... this is a... once in a lifetime... opportunity...'

_How is he even speaking coherent sentences at this stage?_

As Rin begun to move faster, he gripped the slender muscles of Haru's back, growled and made approving 'mmn' noises. Haru wet his lips and begun to stroke Rin frantically, extending another hand to fondle Rin's nipples, rubbing the tips around in circles, plucking and stretching them between his fingers. They were firm-firm and yet supple. Rin hissed as Haru covered one with his mouth and sucked, and moments later Haru felt him cum over both of their chests. Haru's own orgasm came abruptly afterwards and he lifted Rin away before rolling onto the carpet, laying still in a starfish position.

Haru's brain had disconnected and his nerves felt as if they were submerged in a swimming pool of pleasure: he was very far away, in a world where everything was hot, fuzzy and floated. After about two minutes he felt Rin climb down next to him and begin to stroke his face.

'That was amazing.' Haru breathed.

'Don't get used to it.'

'I won't.'

'You have my cum on your cheek. Mmn... oh, Haruka...'

Haru laughed gently as Rin drew circles with his fingers on his chest, giggling at the way Rin's breath tickled his cheek.

'Haru,' Rin said, softly. 'Let's go again one more time. I want to do you this time...'

_Again? Seriously? He's the one doing all of the movement... where the hell does this stamina come from?_

Haru felt as if his brain were moving at two centimetres an hour: he lay back against the carpet and groaned.

'Rin, what's wrong with you? Honestly. We've literally just finished doing it once... I'm exhausted... give me ten minutes. Let's kiss until we get our energy back... okay?'

Ten minutes... Rin couldn't even wait ten seconds. He grabbed Haru's hand and dragged him up, pushed him down against the glass coffee table and slapped his ass. He rubbed Haru's shoulder blades lovingly as he spread Haru's legs wide.

'Gonna make it wet for you, Haru... gonna give it to you really hard tonight. I'm gonna thrust into you so deeply... I'm not going... to hold back...'

_Oh, so you mean you normally hold back?_

Haru was still panting from where Rin had rode him minutes ago, so didn't expect himself to last very long during a second time. Rin pushed his fingers into Haru's sensitive, pink hole and twisted them, thrusting against the back of Haru's balls. Everything was hot, hazy and wonderful again as streaks of lightening shot through Haru's body.

'Moan for me, Haru.' Rin ordered Haru, between breaths. 'We could never... be loud at the office... so this time... let me hear your voice...'

Rin pressed his tongue inside Haru's opening... Haru shut his eyes at the sensation and groaned...

And then there was a soft click, and all of a sudden, a woman appeared in the doorway. Haru's vision was wavering and he was sort of incoherent, but when he concentrated on the figure, she _did_ look kind of familiar...

'Hello, female Rin.' Haru mumbled.

'Gou!' Rin looked up suddenly and flushed. 'Fucking hell! Y-you said you wouldn't be back tonight!'

For the first time in his life, Haru witnessed Rin caught off guard: Rin shook a little as he pulled back and his face flushed a deep red as he scrambled to find his pants. Haru watched Rin with interest, with his head propped up in his hands.

_Rin's blushing really hard: this is completely adorable. I didn't know he could do that._

'Hey, Rin,' Haru commented. 'Your face matches your hair.'

Rin scowled at Haru and thrust some clothes into his arms.

'Put your clothes back on.' He muttered, as he zipped up his pants. 'Haru, please, I am begging you: do not move your legs from behind that coffee table. Gou is already going to have nightmares for the next six months... she doesn't need to see your... your...'

_Oh, that's right: I should probably up cover my body._

Haru slid down behind the coffee table and draped his shirt over his legs in an attempt to conceal his skin. Rin had managed to dress himself by now and was running his fingers through his hair, frantically-the red blush on his cheeks was deepening by the second.

'_Fuck_,' Rin breathed. 'Gou, you said you wouldn't be back tonight! I thought you were staying with a friend... what happened to that? Did she cancel?'

'I came back to get a DVD-big brother, you didn't say that you were having someone over! Is this your boyfriend? I didn't know you had a new one!'

Haru took the 'new one' comment with a pinch of salt. He glanced up at the girl in the doorway and tilted his head, wondering what to make of her.

As far as women were concerned, Haru supposed Gou was very attractive: she was in her early twenties and had shiny, red hair-the same colour as her brothers-that she'd tied up in a ponytail. The occasional lazy strand fell down across her sharp, elegant face.

_Gou Matsuoka... Rin's sister, huh? There's no doubt about it: she looks exactly just like Rin. And she's got the arrogant personality to match: she's not even shocked that she walked in on two men having sex in her living room; in fact, something tells me that she was expecting it. She knew that Rin was up to something and pretended to double back in order to check it out... this one is very sneaky._

'Haru... we might as well tell Gou the truth.'

'What truth? What are you talking about?'

Rin walked over to Haru and set a hand down on his shoulder.

'Gou... Haru and I are going out. Haru is... well, he's my boyfriend. So, you'll probably be seeing a lot more of him from now on.'

It was Haru's turn to flush as Gou's eyes went wide in surprise.

_That thing I said at the café about me and Rin going out: Rin took it completely literally. Rin really thinks that we're a couple..._

'Haru?' Gou mumbled the name. 'No... that couldn't be right; they must have been talking about someone else. It must be just a coincidence...'

She looked up at Haru sharply.

'You're going out with my brother, right?'

'I... yes...'

'So, Rin is your boyfriend?'

'Y-yes...'

Haru's chest felt incredibly tight: he knew that with every word he was saying he was making his situation worse, but didn't want to say anything which could make Rin upset. Rin looked down to the floor in embarrassment.

'Gou... you really can't tell anyone about me and Haru: I only told you because I trust you. If it got around work that I was going out with another man... A co-worker, no less-'

'It won't,' Gou replied, quickly. 'Big brother, it's completely fine... really, it's completely okay! Could you, um... could I borrow your tablet? The one that you keep in your bedroom?'

'Um, sure. I'll go up and get it for you.'

Haru raised an eyebrow: _he _knew what had just happened, even if Rin didn't appear to have noticed. Gou had gotten rid of Rin in order to say something in private to Haru-although just what it was she wanted, Haru had no idea. He looked up at Gou curiously: she was leaning in the doorway, watching Haru with a disinterested expression.

'Haru's a girls name, just so you know.' Gou said, as-a-matter-of-factly. 'But I guess you already knew that... you seemed to be playing the part of a woman really well with my brother.'

_A person even more annoying than Rin... how is that even possible?_

Haru scowled.

'Don't you know that it's incredibly rude to walk in on two people when they're in the middle of something? And anyway, why are you starting on _me_? I haven't done anything to you... I don't even know who you are.'

'You work for Iwatobi like my brother, don't you?'

'Yeah. What of it?'

_Wait a second..._

'Hey...' Haru swallowed. 'How did you know that? You didn't know me until a few minutes ago, so how could you possibly know where I work?'

Gou shook her head, turned on her heel and dashed out of the front door. Seconds after, Rin came back downstairs.

'Gou? I've got the... huh. Where'd she go?'

'She had to Gou away.'

'That's not funny. Haru... did you upset her?'

'Upset her?' Haru exhaled. 'I didn't do anything! She called me a woman and ran out of the door... Rin, I'm the one who's upset! Your sister is weird.' He muttered. 'She knew that I worked for Iwatobi-how the hell did she know that?'

'Lucky guess?' Rin stretched. 'I don't know. Haru, I don't talk to her about work-I don't talk to anyone. We're contractually obliged _not_ to. Anyway, how is that your first concern? I can't believe that was what she saw... the two of us were in the worst possible position!' He put his head in his hands and moaned. 'Haru, we shouldn't have done it in the living room... Gou didn't know that we would be here!'

'Yeah, right!' Haru laughed desirably. 'She knew all about it! '_Big brother, I didn't know you were having someone over...'_ she timed that perfectly: she's crafty.'

Rin sighed.

'Haru... if the two of us are going out, you're going to be seeing a lot more of her from now. There's no point in upsetting her: please just be nice.'

Haru lay his head on Rin's lap as Rin smoothed his fringe away from his forehead.

'Why do you live with her?'

'Because,' Rin stroked Haru's cheek. 'She's my sister- her being here is ideal. Gou's university is just down the road and Iwatobi is a twenty minute walk, seven by car depending on traffic-this is a very convenient position. And anyway,' his voice was quieter, now. 'This isn't really my house. Don't say anything, but when I bought it I used Gou's name for the ownership rights-the money is from my bank, of course. She doesn't like our Mother very much and I figured that her first few months out of university will be rough, so now she's got a place where she can stay and won't have to worry about her future. I'm moving out as soon as I get picked up by a better company, so it's not like I need this place, anyway-if she doesn't want it later on, then she can just sell it.'

Haru frowned.

'You're pretty sure that some wonder company is going to come along and request you, huh? Someone is arrogant.'

'Not arrogant-just confident. You should be, too.'

'Rin...'

'Yes?'

_Why the hell are we talking about work in our free time?_

Haru kissed the bump in Rin's pants.

'Um, about what you said earlier... the thing about you thrusting into me and not holding back...'

'Oh, uhmm... another time.' Rin laughed awkwardly. 'Sorry, Haru, but being walked in on by my younger sister is actually a really big turn off for me-I'm seriously still blushing from the experience.'

'You don't say.'

Haru stared up at the ceiling-on the bright side, it looked like he wouldn't have to worry about finding an excuse to go home early, any more.

* * *

'Nanase, someone is waiting for you in reception.'

'Yeah, yeah. I'll be right there.'

It was Tuesday evening and standard work hours had just finished-Haru grabbed his workbag and locked up his office, throwing a glance over his shoulder toward Rin's door as he walked away. The light underneath his door was still on, so Haru figured Rin planned to work unpaid overtime...

_Rather you than me, I say._

Haru bit his lip and stopped suddenly.

_Wait... Should I really just walk away without saying goodbye to Rin? If he thinks we're dating, won't that make him miserable?_

Decidedly, he turned around and opened Rin's door without bothering to knock. Rin was sitting behind his desk, buried beneath a mountain of paperwork.

'Rin.' Haru called. 'I'm leaving now. So, uh... bye.'

Rin nodded, pinched his temples and went back to his papers. Haru scowled and shut the door, realising that was probably all the attention that he was going to get.

_Well, that was pointless... wait, was it?_

Oh, well: someone wanted to see him in reception. Usually, Haru practically skipped down the corridors as he left the office, but something about Rin's attitude bothered him.

_He looks tired... Rin's overworking himself. I bet that the time I spent with Rin last night, he'd usually have spent working... we don't even need to do this extra work-he's just deliberately giving himself more to do. Okay, so maybe Iwatobi is seriously benefiting from everything that he does-and I know Rin wants to move up- but still... this can't be healthy for him. _

When Haru arrived in reception, someone stood immediately and came forward to greet him.

_Makoto-Makoto came to pick me up from work. That's weird... he's never done that before._

Except that he wasn't alone: there was someone else standing behind him. No... not someone: Haru already knew who this person was. It was only yesterday night that Haru had met her, after all.

'Haru, this is Gou Matsuoka.' Makoto explained, guesting toward the girl beside him. 'She said her brother works with you.'

'How do you know her?' Haru demanded. He felt cold-he felt so cold-as Gou's eyes narrowed when they fell on him. Her pupils seemed dull yet immensely shiny at the same time: Haru recognised the look because it was one he'd seen Rin wear after he'd been concentrating for a long time and finally experienced a breakthrough. But on Gou, he found it... frightening.

'Haru, don't look so suspicious!' Makoto laughed. 'There isn't anything going on. Gou is a university student-she's training to work in a gossip magazine, and came to the company where I work to ask if she could gain some publishing experience for her CV by working for us two days a week. We were talking during a lunch break, and Gou mentioned that her brother worked for Iwatobi... so I said that you worked for Iwatobi as well, and that I could walk with her to get you and we could all go back with each other. I'm not causing any trouble by being here, am I?'

'No, Makoto, not at all!'

_You seriously have no idea... Makoto, you've just declared a war!_

The pieces had begun to horrifically click into their place: Haru recalled what Gou had said about recognising his name the previous night.

_Last night, Gou behaved as though someone had mentioned my name to her... it was Makoto: Makoto told her about me. Gou thinks that I'm going out with her brother-she walked in on us doing it, after all-and I even told her that I was Rin's boyfriend myself. And now she's met Makoto... she knows: there's no way that she doesn't. She's aware that I'm cheating__..__. Has she said anything to Makoto? _

Haru suddenly felt sick. Gou gave him a very pleasant smile.

'It's very nice to meet you... Haruka? You work with my brother, don't you? I heard the two of you are very _close_.'

Haru flushed.

'I wouldn't say that.'

'Really?' Gou frowned. 'That's not how my brother put it. He talked about the two of you like you were a _couple_... speaking of which, Makoto, you came to pick up Haruka, right? Are you his roommate?'

_This bitch-she spent the entire day with Makoto but waited until I was here to ask that exact question. She's pretending that this is our first meeting, too... she's definitely planning something. I have to get Makoto away-_

'W-well, actually...' Makoto gave a sheepish smile. 'Haru and I... the two of us go out. It will be nine years on Haru's twenty-fifth birthday.'

'Oh really?' Gou smiled at Makoto. 'That's really wonderful-good for both of you! It must be so nice to have a partner so _faithful_...'

Haru gave a returning smile, but the knots in his stomach made him want to collapse. Everything had become so hot, and dizzy-

_Gou Matsuoka... what are you planning to do? _


	12. Trust Issues

**Luuka:** 50 reviews, thank you!

**-Izanami:** you left such a beautiful review! I hope I don't keep you waiting too long. I WISH I could make things more convenient for you so you don't have to check back all the time, but I'm so bad at sticking to schedules- I'm updating quite a lot now so hopefully you can forgive me. I'm really glad you like the story and I love hearing what my readers think because all of them have such interesting views! (I want to give my views, too, but I'm scared to spoil the story, I can't win. uUu)

**-Ash:** Mpreg isn't my kind of thing. While I don't hate it or anything, I don't know if I could write it, sorry. I have three unfinished fanfictions online... starting any more really isn't a good idea!

* * *

Everything seemed dizzy-Haru couldn't think. He snapped at Gou that Rin was still in his office, grabbed Makoto's hand and dragged him into his car, stepping down on the accelerator as he drove away. Thoughts raced through Haru's head as he drove:

_So, there's a possibility that Gou t__old Makoto about me and Rin, but so what? She doesn't have any evidence. If she's going to be like that, then I can play it dirty, too-I paint Gou as a liar and an attention seeker who jumps to conclusions and lets her imagination get the better of her. Makoto will surely take my word over hers: Makoto loves me, after all, and thinks I'm his faithful, adoring boyfriend... yes: we've been together for eight years. Gou has nothing on me. Nothing._

'Haru, slow the car down.' Makoto told him. 'We're going to crash into a streetlamp.'

Haru wasn't listening: he wanted to get _home_. He wanted to get away from Iwatobi as fast as he possibly could-

'Makoto,' Haru demanded. 'Gou didn't say anything... weird... to you, did she?'

'Weird? I don't-Haru, the pavement!'

Haru swerved the car at the last second, narrowly missing a post-box. He felt light-headed-and a little sick-and he was losing track of his surroundings, but Haru didn't want to stop driving-he wanted to distract himself from his anxiety. The car screeched to a halt at a red light, and several cars in front of them beeped their horns at the near-collision.

'Haru,' Makoto said, gently. 'Let's swap places while we've stopped. I think I should drive-'

'_No_- I can drive the car just fine! Watch me, Makoto-I'm doing it really well!'

Makoto grimaced in response and gripped the sides of his seat as the car lunged.

Haru knew that by driving his car fast, he wasn't going to outrace his problems, but he wanted to get back to the apartment-back to the closure of his and Makoto's apartment-to be comforted by all of their familiar things: he wanted to be reassured that none of it was about to change.

Haru wanted to be reassured, because he didn't know what he was supposed to do-his brain was whirling out possibilities by the second, but none of them seemed very plausible or realistic, or put him in a very beneficial position. Haru could delay Gou from reaching Makoto for maybe two or perhaps three days, but ultimately he had no way of preventing the two of them from meeting. So, all that Haru could do was try and win Makoto's trust before that happened... which might prove to be difficult, considering that Makoto was currently watching Haru with an expression which suggested that he thought Haru was crazy.

'Was it really okay to leave Gou alone in the reception?' Makoto asked, after finally arriving home-evidently, he hadn't trusted Haru to talk and drive at the same time. 'Haru, I know you wanted to get home, but that was so rude... we shouldn't have left her on her own. What if something happened to Gou?'

'Yeah, it would be really awful if she disappeared somewhere.'

'Wouldn't it?' Makoto didn't catch the sarcasm in Haru's voice. 'Haru, I think I should call her... I think I should check that she's okay-'

'NO!' Haru flushed-he hadn't realised that he'd yelled. 'No, um, Makoto...' he laughed falsely. 'It's already late... darling, why don't you start making dinner? I need to text her brother about some work stuff, so I might as well ask about Gou in one message: I mean, it would save credit, right?'

'Um... okay.'

Makoto gave Haru a: 'whatever-you-say-Haru-you're-always-right' look, before making his way into the kitchen. Haru waited a few moments before following, creeping up behind Makoto's back and wrapping his arms around his waist, nuzzling his nose into the nape of his neck.

_Is this the end of my relationship with Makoto? That bitch-Gou-I find it hard to believe that she's doing work experience with Makoto just by coincidence when I'm sleeping with her brother. Sorry Makoto, but you don't work for the best publishing house in this city... if she was really determined to get into journalism then she'd go to a company bigger than yours. Therefore, the reason she's chosen to stay there is for you. _

'About that kid...' Haru cuddled Makoto. 'How long is she spending at your company?'

'You mean Gou? Don't know.' Makoto replied. He focused on cutting vegetables.

_Makoto's not paying attention to me at all-did Gou tell him something before they got to Iwatobi? Or maybe he's upset because Gou said I was close to Rin... Makoto is a journalist, after all: he has a sense for that kind of thing._

Haru was hyper-analysing Makoto's actions; he stood like an alert meerkat, peering over Makoto's shoulder and watching his every move, hunting out signs of tension or evidence that something in him had changed. Nothing that he did was suspicious, but then again, so was everything-

'I'm glad she's made herself useful,' Haru invented. 'Because all Gou used to do was cause problem after problem. She used to come to Iwatobi to wait for her brother and cause all sorts of difficulties-the security guards and people in reception used to complain about her a lot: she would always swear and abuse them. I'd keep away from her if I were you, because the chances are she'll cause you trouble, too-she seems to be that kind of person. A person who would want to mess everything up and make life uncomfortable for others, I mean.'

'Haru, could you pass me the sweet potato?'

'Um, sure.'

Haru pulled back-whatever he was doing wasn't working. He moved from behind Makoto to beside him.

'Darling, can I help?'

'Hmm? Sorry, were you talking to me?'

'Yes.' Haru exhaled. 'Who else would I be talking to?'

'Who indeed...' Makoto mumbled, and Haru felt himself shiver. 'I'm sorry,' Makoto continued. 'I was just thinking about an article I need to write. I'm going to be up writing so I may be late to bed tonight-you can go on without me.'

'I don't want to go to bed without you!' Haru gripped Makoto's forearms. 'I need you! Makoto-'

'What's gotten into you?' Makoto sounded shocked. 'Haru, you've slept on your own before-I'm only going to be in the next room. It's not as if I'm leaving you.' He smiled. 'Haru, I wouldn't go away from you... would I?'

Makoto spun around to hug Haru and Haru curled against his chest, squeezing his eyes shut as he grasped at the folds of Makoto's shirt. For a moment, Haru felt so safe and secure-

'Hey, Haru...' Makoto's voice was quiet. 'Something's been playing on my mind. Yesterday evening when you got back from work... your shirt was different to when you left. It was creased even though I'd ironed it at the weekend, and your collar was stuck up, when before it was flattened it down. Plus your buttons were one off: they weren't one off when we had dinner that evening.'

Haru froze.

_How does he notice these things?_

'W-well, I-I lifted a box at work and I thought some of the stitching underneath the arm had come undone: I took it off in the toilets to check.'

'I see.'

Haru looked at the floor-he couldn't tell if the act was working. Makoto stroked Haru's cheek with the back of his hand.

'You don't have anything to tell me, do you, darling?'

'No, nothing.'

'I see,' he went back to his cooking. Haru bit down on his lip, unable to escape the feeling that Makoto hadn't been quite convinced by his act.

'U-um, Makoto, honestly I-'

Haru didn't get to finish: Makoto's phone had begun ringing. Haru snatched it up from the counter top immediately.

'Baby, it's okay!' Haru laughed. 'Makoto, just keep on cooking- really, it's completely fine! I'll take care of this call for you. You shouldn't have to worry about your work during your free time-I bet you've had a really stressful day.'

'It was a half day today.'

Haru didn't hear him: he'd already begun marching down the hallway, turning the phone over in his hands as he walked.

Calling: Matsuoka, Gou

_So, she did call... I thought she would._

Haru shut himself in Makoto's office, pressed the answer button and held the phone up to his ear.

'Hello? Makoto?'

_Surprise, bitch._

'Makoto isn't here.'

'Haruka...' Gou hesitated on the other end. 'That's a shame. You're not the person who I wanted to speak with right now.'

_Same to you._

'What are you trying to do?'

'_Trying_ to do?' The voice was innocent. 'Nothing. I just wanted to ask Makoto if I could change my work experience to three days a week instead of two-I like him. He's a nice person.' Her voice lowered. 'Better than what you deserve.'

'You're going to tell him, aren't you?'

Gou laughed.

'No-I don't need to tell him. I've got evidence that I want to give to him; I can prove exactly what you're up to.'

_How? How the hell can she prove it? She's lying..._

'What about your brother?'

'I'm not telling Rin,' Gou replied, soflty. 'Because he doesn't need to hear it. For some reason unbeknownst to me, _Rin actually likes you_, Haru: he actually wants to be with you. So, do yourself a favour and break up with Makoto; break up with him on good terms so that he doesn't get too hurt, and go ahead and be with Rin... and then, nobody has to know that you cheated; it can be our little secret.'

'And what if I don't want to be with Rin?'

'_Don't_ you?'

Haru ground his teeth.

'I don't know! Why do you think I'm in this situation in the first place-if I knew which one I wanted, I wouldn't be talking to you right now, would I?'

It was difficult to keep his voice down-Makoto was cooking in the kitchen and Haru didn't want to attract his attention: he'd already drawn too much suspicion to himself as things were this evening.

'Listen,' Haru drew a breath. 'Can we talk more about this? Please? I don't want to hurt either of them... just give me a chance to explain. I never wanted-'

_Beep beep._

The line went dead-Gou had hung up the phone from the other end. Haru ran his fingers through his hair and kicked a nearby table in aggravation.

_Gou is definitely going to tell Makoto when she goes to his work again... or maybe before if she tries to call back. I'm not ready to make a decision... I'm not ready to tell Makoto yet. This phone is a link between them. It's dangerous... I have to get rid of it-_

Decidedly, Haru stripped the case from Makoto's tablet phone and threw it face down onto the floor in the hallway. The touchscreen hit the tiles and made a shattering sound; Haru picked up the phone up in his hands. Splinters had formed like spider webs on the middle of the screen, stretching out to the corners: he found the effect very satisfying.

'Haru?' There was the sound of footsteps, and then Makoto appeared in the hallway. 'I heard a noise. Did somethi-oh, Haru!'

'It was an accident,' Haru lied. 'I was removing the case, and my hand slipped-'

'You're unbelievable.' Makoto frowned. 'Right now, you're not yourself at all. Haru, I can't believe you-why did you decide to take the case off?'

'I don't know-I was fidgeting with it! Makoto, why are you getting emotional, it's just a lump of metal and plastic! I'll go out tomorrow and buy you a newer model-'

'I don't _want_ a newer model, I liked that one perfectly! Haru, that had all my documents on it-'

'It's not my fault you didn't put them on an SD card-'

'I put a lot of them on an SD card,' Makoto replied, hotly. 'But I don't update it every day. I'm always making changes to my files, and not only that, but that was my work phone- how am I supposed to contact everyone?'

'Makoto, I told you that it was an accident and I said I was sorry, what more do you want me to do?'

'Was it something to do with that call?'

Haru took a moment to steady himself. His voice shook as he spoke.

'I didn't smash it.'

'Haru, _who called_?'

'No one-it was a wrong number! Makoto, I was fidgeting with the case and the phone fell out onto the floor and smashed: why is that so hard for you to wrap your head around?'

'It takes a lot of force to break the glass,' Makoto replied, quietly. 'I don't know if just dropping it would make it smash like this. Haru, promise me-promise me you're not lying.'

'This is ridiculous... over a stupid phone...'

'Haru.'

Haru looked up into Makoto's soft, green eyes. They seemed to look right through him, right into the core of his heart... Makoto's eyes reflected his own heart: so honest, faithful and pure. So trusting and reliable... Haru's own gaze wavered as he tried to meet them.

_Makoto knows everything about me. He's known me since we were kids: can I really lie to him and get away with it? Will he really not notice?_

'I... I promise.'

Makoto looked away.

'Okay,' he said softly. He took the phone from Haru.

'I'll ask if they can get it repaired in the city. For now, I'll borrow yours for calls.'

_Does he believe me?_ Haru felt a lump rise in his throat. _And if he doesn't, what does that mean? I can't read Makoto's expression... but on the plus side, Makoto can't use the touchscreen to answer any of Gou's calls. That means I've delayed it... for another evening._

Smashing Makoto's phone hadn't solved any of Haru's problems: Makoto was going to get his phone repaired, or move his SIM card to a new one-Haru knew that he'd only brought himself a little more time between them-twenty four hours at most. Gou worked twice a week in the same building as Makoto... not that she couldn't stop by Makoto's publishing business any time that she wanted. As much as Haru hated to admit it, she was the one who held power over their relationship: she was the one whom he had to try and appease, now.

I_ have to reason with her,_ Haru realised. _That's the only way that I'm going to keep this hidden: I have to try and reach some kind of compromise. Gou must have a breaking point-even the devil makes deals with people._

Haru pulled out his phone and begun to text:

Nanase, Haruka (me) to Matsuoka, Rin: Tell your sister to meet me in the city square at 9pm tomorrow evening-tell her that it's important, and not to do anything until then. Those exact words, please. x


	13. Contemplation

**Luuka:** I changed the icon of my story and I'm confusing myself.

**-LoveKSB:** I can't talk to you about the ending because it's so far away! Haru's 'situation,' is going to be over soon, but the story doesn't end with that-it keeps going into a second arc with_ new_ problems; fanficton can't get rid of me. The MakoHaruRin ordeal is going to be addressed soon, but for now, you have to stay in suspense!

**-Yosuzume:** I'm so glad my writing makes you feel something! We're kind of just getting started on the drama: I'm expecting to get yelled at later because things flip around from here. I'm really ready for it, actually!

The sex marks on Haru's body are a critical point and you beat me to it. We're going to come back to it in a later chapter, so you can say that you called it! Rin _must_ be leaving marks on Haru: his teeth are like a bear trap. Snap snap.

**-Izanami:** I will definitely finish this story, I enjoy writing it too much! Honestly, I have so much fun with the characters, so I'm really glad (and a little overwhelmed) that other people like it, too! I have a lot of chapters finished in 'stock,' but I'm trying to replace them with more as I publish because I love this AU and I want to keep it going-I have too many ideas for it. :)

* * *

If Haru had experienced stress before, he thought it must have been nothing compared to what he felt that night.

Rin had texted Haru back explaining that he'd relayed the message to Gou, demanding to know what it meant. Haru didn't reply, and then Rin had tried calling-so, Haru had turned off his phone, buried it at the bottom of his workbag and climbed into bed. He didn't want to speak with Rin. He didn't want to speak with Makoto-he didn't want to speak with anyone. Haru just wanted to be alone: alone until everything sorted itself out. Alone until he knew just _what_ he was supposed to do, and just _how_ he was supposed to make everything right again.

3am came and Haru couldn't sleep, so he went out for a run. Haru knew that he'd be exhausted for work in the morning, but a part of him welcomed it: at least the exhaustion would take his mind off things. At least-if Haru could fight the exhaustion- he could forget about everything else for a while... well, that was what he'd hoped, but Haru couldn't exactly stop his thoughts. It wasn't as if he could sleep in bed, anyway-not with Makoto lying next to him.

Wednesday morning arrived and Haru went into work-it came as no surprise that he couldn't concentrate. He didn't like the idea of allowing Makoto out of his sight from nine until seven, but there hadn't been anything he could do; Haru could only hope that Gou had taken him up on his offer to talk things through together that evening. 9pm really couldn't come fast enough.

Office hours were long and turbulent and Haru spent them in anxiety and animosity, snapping at his staff during his supervision period in a way that was a lot more aggressive than usual- even Rin picked up on the hints and allowed Haru to stand his ground. Haru didn't know if he was grateful for this or not: although he wanted Rin to comfort him, Haru knew that each kiss they shared was one more needle in Makoto's heart. He couldn't win, whatever he did: Haru knew there was no way that he could keep them both satisfied. Still, he was determined to try.

Haru had no idea how Makoto would react when he found out that Haru had slept with Rin, but Haru doubted the reaction would be positive-far from it, actually. Sure, yeah, Haru had cheated on Makoto, but he'd never meant to get _attached_: the first time he'd walked up to Rin, took his hand and lead him to an empty boardroom, it hadn't even crossed Haru's mind that eventually he might want to spend the rest of the life with the person who had been currently slamming him into the table. Rin's very existence was a _disturbance_ to Haru: a combine harvester that ploughed through his resolve and uprooted eight years of carefully nurtured love that he and Makoto had laid down together. And yet, Rin was a disturbance that Haru had welcomed: a disturbance that he'd asked to fuck him for three months- a disturbance that he'd kept coming back to, even now, when his relationship with Makoto was more threatened than ever. Even now, Haru wanted Rin-and he hated himself for that.

Haru was afraid of being alone, but at the same time, he didn't like a lot of people. Haru's cynical attitude either annoyed those around him or put them off, so Haru found it difficult to draw closer to others. Makoto had dedicated his life to attempting to get close to Haru: ever since the age of three he'd been attempting to build bridges between them, gradually trying to draw the two of them closer. The intimacy with Haru that Makoto had spent fourteen years trying to build, Rin had gained with just a glance-that thought disturbed Haru but also intrigued him. Rin was a challenge he simply couldn't resist.

Yet even more than he was afraid of being alone, Haru was afraid of leaving _Makoto _alone-he knew that Makoto didn't deserve it. Haru loved Makoto with all of his heart, but he couldn't feel passion or excitement towards the other man; even though Haru deeply wanted to, he simply couldn't make himself feel something that wasn't there. Sure, if Makoto kissed him enough and touched him enough, then Haru would get hard, but that was just a natural response-he couldn't bring himself to get aroused over his childhood friend, or feel anything more than vanilla satisfaction and comfortable indifference toward the way they lived out they lives. '_This is our life, and I'm happy..._' this was what Haru had told himself as he brushed his teeth in the bathroom mirror, every day for eight years in a row; the words were his own personal ritual that would fix everything whenever he had any doubts. But then, Haru looked at Rin, and the spell had broken: the ritual had lost its meaning, and suddenly it wasn't enough, any more-suddenly, Makoto wasn't enough, any more. Because Haru wanted to have Rin.

So, Haru had started an affair. It seemed like a nice idea at first: it was a quiet way for Haru to relieve his frustration and explore his sexuality with someone other than Makoto, without actually hurting Makoto-because, hey, Makoto would never have to know. Sure, it was morally wrong, but so were a lot of things in the world-as long as Makoto never found out, Haru figured it would be okay. After all, Makoto was everything to him... at least, he _had_ been to begin with.

Haru's relationship with Rin had lasted three months and counting, and Haru had expected himself to get bored: Haru had expected himself to lose interest. But he hadn't: he'd gotten entangled. Haru had started looking forward to seeing Rin, wondering what Rin was thinking, wondering if Rin thought about him-stupid thoughts-_childish_ thoughts- but still, he couldn't make them stop. Haru didn't just feel attraction towards Rin: he felt every emotion in the pallet. Anger, jealousy, arousal, _nervousnes_s-everything about Rin was so new and exciting. He'd let Run fuck him on a hotel bed, on top of a desk, against a filing cabinet, on pretty much every wall of their offices apart from the ceiling in pretty much every position, the two of them had done it. They'd gone out for dinner, Rin had asked him out, then Haru had gone back to Rin's place and let Rin ride him on the sofa... he was also pretty sure that he'd sent Rin a video of him fingering himself, too; Haru didn't know what constituted for a relationship, but the two of them had definitely crossed _some_ kind of threshold together. The question was just how long it would last... if at all: Rin was _enigmatic._

At any rate, thinking wasn't helping. Haru was an_ adult_: he knew that you could think about an issue as much as you liked, but unless you actually did anything then nothing was going to change. He spun around in his swivel chair and tapped his foot against the wall, absently. After about five minutes, his office door opened-

'Haru, are you _remodelling_?'

_Here comes Rin to assert his dominance: he does this on a regular basis._

Haru raised an eyebrow at Rin's annoyed expression.

'Is there a problem?'

'Other than your attitude? Yes, I think so. Haru, there's a banging noise-what are you doing?'

'_Banging noise_,' Haru exhaled. 'Rin, I tapped my foot against a wall-you're saying it like I'm lighting fireworks in here. You love finding excuses to yell at me, don't you-'

'You're not tapping your foot against a wall,' Rin said, angrily. 'You're deliberately kicking _my_ wall to try and irritate me. Haru, please, give me a break-I'm trying to concentrate next door! I can come to see you after work but _now isn't a good time._ I'm in the middle of a spreadsheet-'

'I wasn't using morse code to try and send you a sex message!' Haru yelled back. 'And I genuinely wasn't trying to attract your attention-not everything is about you! Rin, stop trying to control me, this is my office and I can do what I want-if I want to tap my foot against a wall, then I don't need your _permission_! I'll show you a banging noise if you wa-'

Hey, on second thoughts, Haru was actually up for that. His length strained suddenly in his pants as a twinge of desire begun to spark between his hips-

_Fuck, I want Rin inside of me immediately-it turns me on when we argue. It's weird how I can jump between bloodlust and arousal within two seconds whenever I'm around him: oh well._

'Rin, come here,' Haru ordered. 'I want you to do me on this spinny chair.'

Rin shut Haru's office door and walked into the centre of the room.

'Haru... I've been meaning to talk to you about that. I don't think we should have sex at Iwatobi any more.'

'You don't?' Haru frowned. 'Why?'

'Because,' Rin flushed. 'Haru, we're not acting like adults... an office isn't the right place to get naked and mess around! If we're going out, there's no_ need_ to do it in here. And besides... they have cameras in all the rooms, don't they?'

'Yeah. My one is up there,' Haru pointed to a small circular device fixed to the ceiling. 'But Rin, you don't need to worry about them: they're image only, so won't pick up our conversations.'

'But they still show us having sex. _Rough_ sex.'

'Yeah,' Haru spun around on his chair. 'But that doesn't matter-no one ever looks at them. The footage stays on record for six years, but they're just there as a safeguard in case there's a break in or damage to one of the rooms: Iwatobi aren't _allowed _to watch us without a good reason, because it violates human privacy and shit. So even if someone _does_ look at the cameras, they'll be the ones in trouble-not us.'

Rin shifted uncomfortably.

'We could get fired if someone finds out.'

'I know, I know-it's my job on the line, too!'

Haru didn't like what Rin was suggesting: if they stopped having sex in the office then Haru's sex life would plummet to one sixth of what it was originally-maybe even an eighth. He liked being around Rin- he didn't want to stop seeing him. If the two of them stopped having sex at Iwatobi, Haru knew that he'd have to do it in his free time, and it would get harder and harder to explain to Makoto why he was disappearing on his own after work hours.

'Do you want to start checking out hotel rooms? Driving away and doing it in the car?'

Rin shook his head.

'Haru, I'm getting restless: I want to go back to your place at some point. Why can't you just tell your parents that you like other men? If you like me that much, then what does it matter? If they're the really judgemental type who choose to kick you out over it, then they can't care that much, anyway. You earn more than enough to rent your own place, and even if you didn't, you could come and stay with me. Haru, I'm trying not to push you but I don't understand your thinking-not at all.'

_Rin..._ Haru played with a loop on his waistcoat. _You're being very difficult right now. I told you that I live with my parents, but the truth is that Makoto's at my place: there's no way I can bring you back there. It isn't going to happen, so please stop asking-there's no way the two of you can ever meet._

Haru felt uneasy: he was running out of excuses.

'Rin, I just... I just don't want to take this relationship too fast...'

'Well, I want to take it faster,' Rin snapped back. 'Because I don't trust you, Haru. You're getting more and more suspicious by the day... you don't want to go out with me on weekends, you're always edgy and jumpy around me, you don't make any effort to contact me outside of work and yet you _swear_ there's no one else. We're supposed to be together-are we? Because you're not acting like it.'

'I don't need this right now,' Haru replied sharply. 'Rin, I honestly don't. I haven't got time to deal with your primadonna attitude, and if you don't trust me, that's your problem-I've had enough. I'm going home.'

'Haru, it's 12:15 in the morning-'

'So what?' Haru yelled. 'Report me to management! Rin, I don't care-I'm done with today! If I can't concentrate, there's no point in me being here... I have a migraine: I need to get home and sleep. I'll catch up on my work later, so just dump it on my desk. Do me a favour and lock up, okay?'

Rin bit his tongue-obviously not happy with the way Haru had ended their conversation-but managed to hold back his complaints.

'Do you want me to drive you home and bring your car around later?'

'No. I can manage: I just need to get home and sleep. Bye.'

Haru kissed Rin on the cheek hastily before Rin reached out and grabbed his arm-

'Haru,' Rin said, suddenly. 'I don't understand.'

'Understand what?'

'Everything! I know you're going through something personal and I have no right to interfere, but please... at least tell me how my sister is involved. Haru, why are you meeting with Gou in private at 9pm tonight?'

Haru shook his head, snatched up his bag and left the office without another word. He didn't catch the way Rin's face clouded over, or see the way Rin cupped his head in his hands moments after he'd left-Haru was already halfway down the corridor.


End file.
